I'm Normally Perfect (re-upload)

Chapter Twelve

'I'd always wanted to do something that could be carried out over several paintings, and my mother was interested in those sorts of things.'

'Your mother had tarot cards?'

'Several sets. Modern playing cards were derived from minor Arcana cards, you know.'

'Yep. Wands, swords, cups and pentacles became hearts, diamonds, clubs and spades.'

She sounded pleased, 'That's right.' We went through a room cavernous enough to hold a dirigible, there was a complicated geometric pattern laid into the floor.

'What's this room called?' My voice echoed off the walls.

'The Grand Ballroom.'

I whispered, 'Oh.' Upon exiting the other side, we were looking down another long, dim hallway. 'This is like The Shining.'

'Yes, we normally have a little boy on a tricycle riding about, but it's his day off.'

My laugh bounced off the walls.

We passed several doors then she turned to our right, 'Here we are.' She pushed two doors open with a heave, and clicked on the lights, which turned out to be candelabras and scones wired for electricity situated in strategic areas. At equal intervals along the burgundy-coloured walls interspersed with the scones there were shields, banners and suits of armour. The rest of the available wall-space was occupied by various pointy implements: swords, crossbows and war axes of every design. In the centre of the room stood glass cases, which held numerous shelves of daggers, maces and flails. I stared in amazement. 'What, no Iron Maiden?'

She pointed to the corner to our left, where there was an upright iron structure in the rough shape of a person.

I laughed nervously, 'Ok. Ready to go home now.'

'I promised they haven't been used in ages.'

'What are all these things called?'

'You'd have to ask my brother, it's a hobby he inherited from our father. I know one of those double-bladed axes is a replica of Attila the Hun's and he has a couple of Valkrye axes as well. That one just there,' she pointed at a long pole affixed with a highly polished, single, delicately engraved blade, 'is a German battle axe.'

'That's what a battleaxe is? Huh. I always thought it would be something more substantial. That's really pretty.'

'Not when it's being swung at your head at ninety miles an hour.'

'Fair point.' We went to the cases in the middle of the room. There was an array of long wooden bats with leather wrapped handles and along the end brass tacks stuck out in rows. I pointed to two pieces of metal that looked like they'd fit around a wrist, 'What are those?'

'Gauntlets.'

'Oh. I thought a gauntlet was some sort of weapon. So when someone "throws down the gauntlet" they're really throwing down a metallic, glove-like apparatus.'

'Yes, but that's rather a mouthful, don't you think?'

I smiled in response and took in the medieval handcuffs and Celtic curvy daggers, the myriad flanged flails and knives of every shape. 'So this is your brother's domain? I must, what do you say? "Get in his good books" as soon as possible.' I noticed a particularly wicked looking suit of armour in the far corner with tall spikes protruding from the shoulder blades like a sunburst, 'Wowwee. Where did that one come from?' I started toward it.

'It's Gothic,' a voice boomed and I whipped around to see Anthony standing in the doorway. 'Named after the Germanic tribes from the third to the fifth centuries.'