Choose // ChildDolphin FF [complete]

31 - heartbeat

*Octavia's POV*

My heart starting beating a mile a minute. The machine to my left started beeping this piercing sound once I started to breath heavily.

"Hun, calm down." The nurse rushes to the machine.

I feel this sharp pain in my arm and my head is pounding.

I glance down to my arm and my wrist catches my attention. It was covered in bandages and blood was seeping through.

"W-what?" I mumble.

"Okay, hun. Do you remember anything?" The nurse asks me sitting down on my bed.

I shake my head.

"I only remember going to the bar." I say ashamed.

The nurse starts blabbing off random doctor terms that I didn't understand. I was looking all over the room and my eyes locked onto someone else's.

Suddenly I felt overwhelmed. I couldn't stand it. Seeing him made me realize why I went to get drunk...

It was because I needed to escape him. But he was still here, he never left.

Maybe that's what love is. You think you hate someone so much that you try to get rid of them, when in reality that 'hate' was really love.

And even when you try to banish them from your life, they still manage to find their way back in.

For some reason even when I knew he had gotten Melanie pregnant, I honestly didn't care...I didn't even have a reason to be mad.

We weren't together, he was just living a little. And that's what I'm all about.

"Octavia?" The nurses voice snaps me out of my thoughts and draws all my attention to her.

I clear my throat, "Yes?"

Then the nurse told me everything I did. That if I had done 3 more cuts in my wrist, I probably would've died from loss of blood.

Kind of wished I would've done those 3 more cuts.

The nurse left with telling me that I would be having a therapist come to talk to me.

Great.

The door shuts and now the two people that remain in the room are me and Ryan.

It was silent for a bit until he walked up to me and sat on my bed. I sat myself up so I wasn't laying down.

"Why?" He whispers looking at my wrist.

"Ryan, I was dru-"

"No, don't blame the marks on being drunk. Even if it was, there was a reason why you went to get drunk." He says with guilt in his voice.

I stay silent thinking of what to say.

"I know I was probably the reason why. I hurt you and that hurts me more than you know. I always tell myself to not let my past affect my future but it always does. My mind got into the habit of not trusting anyone for so long. When I met you I told myself to let go but I just couldn't..." His voice gets softer and softer.

"Each cut was for one of you guys. I was giving each one a purpose..." I speak softly.

"You were one of them." I say and lock our eyes with one another's.

His eyes starting watering and he sniffled.

"Ryan, I just want to be with you more than anything. I love you and care about you so much but then there's this feeling like I shouldn't. I used to feel like I loved you more than you'd ever love me, so I started telling myself that I wasn't good enough, that 'Ryan would have asked me out already if he actually liked me' and all this crazy shit." I pause.

"So I started telling myself to let you go. And my dad's death didn't help, that's when I really lost it. But as hard as I tried to let you go, I always seemed to come rushing back to you and wanting you. And that seems to be a feeling that will never go away." I say taking a big breath.

He opens his mouth to speak but instead I grab his face and bring it to mine. Our lips clash and it's a feeling that I missed and longed for.

Our lips moved in sync and his hands moved down to my waist. My arms were around his neck.

I broke from the kiss and immediately pulled him into a hug.

"I miss you." I say into his ear.

"I'm here, I always was." He whispers back kissing me on the head.

A/N

LOOK AT MY CUTIES IM SO AKLM;D