Batboys Lemons

{Ride of your life} Tim Drake X Villain reader

Your plan worked flawlessly. Red robin just stood there in shock. Just like you'd predicted. You figured it was his first time. Most people have never seen someone ride a bicycle upside down before.
How does that work? It took you a while to figure that one out yourself. You'd spent more time learning how to ride the bike than you had planning the heist. That might have been why you only got away with two lemons. You were spotted almost instantly and refused to leave empty-handed.

Red Robin was out of sight before you could blow him a raspberry.

And to think. When you'd been fired you thought your life was over. But now looking back being older and wiser-by a whole ten hours-it just might have been the greatest thing to ever happen to you. Because you are now free to fulfill your lifelong dream, of being Gotham's best burglar.
Sure, up to this point you'd had no experience stealing aside from snatching cake from weddings you hadn't been invited to, but how different could that be from a full-on heist?
All you had to do was sneak into a closed party, slip past a few security systems and crack a safe then sneak back out without being noticed. Sounded exactly like what you'd been doing before.

You already had the hardest part figured out, your name, Blacklemonade. It sounded dark, menacing, and deeply sick and twisted. Of course, that didn't really fit your aesthetic of slipping in and out without being noticed. But if you don't have a name and calling card how are you ever supposed to go down history? How do they know it's you? Plus you already had the business cards printed. And a whole line of merchandise. It was too late to turn back.

The only problem with this plan was the fact you couldn't see much where you were going. Steering was nearly impossible. And breaking your head was a definite possibility. But no one saw it coming!

You suddenly swerved into oncoming traffic. You clenched your teeth and squeezed your eyes. Horns blared and cars collided. When you opened your eyes you saw you were still alive, and zooming down the sidewalk. Red Robin again pursuing you.
You thought about calling your ex and bragging about the fact you had such a hot guy hounding you. But then you decided against it. You decided to be the bigger person. Plus your phone fell out of your pocket and smashed on the road.
You moved your legs and went flying into a floor-length window, into a strip mall.

Your arms were starting to ache and you knew they'd go out soon.
But thankfully you crashed into a floor-length mirror before that happened.
You quickly got up, but then stopped. Even in the shattered glass, you could see, that you didn't have a body like the girls in the magazines. You sucked in your stomach and stared mournfully.

Then the wall blew up and you remembered you were being chased.

You started running. Whipping around turns at a speed you'd never known you possessed. And you couldn't see him when you glimpsed behind yourself.
You sped around a corner and slammed into his back. It turns out you'd run in a large circle.
He spun around and you again took off running.

You decided it was time for phase two. You bolted into the woman's bathroom and opened your backpack. You pulled out your trusty roller blades you'd only taken off after you almost broke your neck while practicing on the bike. They needed to be cleaned. You'd barely taken them off since you got them. However, your stupid ex was too old-fashioned and close-minded to let you wear them to prom. He seemed to think you'd get yourself hurt just because you couldn't skate. And that was why he was your ex.
Your skills had majorly improved since then and you rarely hit semis or small children anymore. Though lawn flamingos just seemed to be jumping into your path.

You pulled out some Blacklemonade stickers and stuck them on their sides. Before swooshing towards the door with your arms outstretched and a scream that would awaken the dead. You whizzed past Red Robin as his boobytrap activated too late.

You stuck out your tongue as you flew away and smashed into another floor-length mirror. You wished you'd worn your Blacklemonade helmet.
He immediately cuffed you and got on his com.

For a moment what you'd done finally hit you. A feeling of lightheadedness and surreality fell over you. You were a criminal. You had stolen from a stranger and treated it as a game. You were a bad person. You were going to prison. You'd never get to use half the customized items you'd purchase with the money you were sure you were about to get.

But you realized he hadn't tied your feet. You tried to get up. But standing in roller skates without your arms is incredibly difficult. Thankfully you had missed a lot of family nights practicing for this moment. You knew you'd be in handcuffs at some point while becoming a legend.
Finally, you managed to get up and you took off. He tried to chase you but you were able to get your hands to the front and hurled one of the lemons at his head then whooshed away.

Taking the back road, you skated at breakneck speed all the way back to your apartment, looking behind you once in a while to make sure he wasn't following.
Your heart pounded in your chest as you slammed the door shut and slid down it. When your heart finally settled, you threw back your head and laughed.

You got up and cut open the lemon and juiced it, made yourself a large glass of lemonade, and added food coloring until it was dark as your soul.
It was the best lemonade you'd ever had in your life. But as you were putting the cup in the sink you heard someone knock on your door.

Answering it you found Red robin. "You're under arrest."

"How!?"

"I'm the world's second-greatest detective. And a hacker. So I could have used the phone you dropped. But instead, I decided to follow the trail of business cards." He said, holding one up.

Looking down the hall you saw they lead to your door.

You decided to lie your way out. "Yeaaaaaah. Those probably belong to Sidney. She's pretty weird."

"You live in this apartment alone. There's only one size of shoe at the door. Plus they all have the same symbol all over them as on the business card." He said pointing to the photo of a lemon oozing black juice.

"And they all belong to her."

"Your wearing merchandise slippers."

"Yeah, these are hers too." You said, stepping out of them. "I don't even live here. I just came to ask her why she'd rented this apartment in my name."

"Then why are you in Blacklemonade pajamas?"

"Because..." You tried to smile charmingly, "It's Blacklemonade. Day?"

He only shook his head.

You now saw your mistake. Next time you should focus more on the plan-plan and nothing on the escape plan. And maybe not get so wrapped up in promotional products. And maybe have learned how to get out from handcuffs, as you had a feeling they might have tipped him off too.

Please leave a like and comment to thank me for being stupid! It isn't easy.