Mainu Heer Naa Aakho Koyi

VIII // Henna & Scars

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Once on the bed, Haider pulls me to himself.

Call it constantly justifying the pleasure validation gives me, but I swear, apart of a good heart, he has everything I've ever wanted; love, empathy, kindness, patience, etc.

And I love physical touch. I'm the most clingy person on earth and Mahnoor aapi hates me for it.

I shift my head on his chest. He uses one hand to wrap on my waist and the other to play with my hand.

I watch the henna designs he's retracing quietly as he speaks, "I can't believe someone as pretty as you exists."

I instinctively look up at him. It feels like a trap.

THAT IS SO UNREAL.

THAT IS. SO.

UNBELIEVABLE.

Calling girls pretty is common in my homeland, and people said it all the time without meaning it but this is the first time someone's saying it this way. And I think he's lying. But it feels so genuine.

I'm not saying I'm not pretty. But I'm not so pretty so as for someone to not believe I'm real.

"Tumhain pehli dafaa dekh ke maine koyi ummeed nahin lagaayi. Mohabbat ho gayi thi, yeh pataa tha abbh tumhain apna banaana hai, lekin yeh nahin pataa tha tum itni pursukoon aur khubseerat ho. Yeh complimentary tha."

(I didn't have many expectations when I saw you for the first time. I had fallen in love, I knew I was going to make you mine, but I didn't know you were so peaceful and owned such a good character. This was complimentary.)

"Nahin. Yeh manipulative behavior nahin chale ga. Tum mujhe nahin jaante. Yeh joh privacy invade kar ke, mere tweets parrh ke tum ne pataa lagaaya hai ke main insecure hoon, iss se kuchh haasil nahin ho ga. Aisi bebunyaad taarifein kar ke tum mujh se apna matlab nahin nikalwaa sakte."

(No. This manipulative behavior won't do. You don't know me. Invading my privacy and reading my tweets to find out I'm insecure, it's not going to get you anywhere. These baseless compliments won't get your work done.)

I'm so proud of what I just said instead of slipping in love.

"Be-bunyaad?" (Baseless?) "Mujhe kyaa faaeda ho rahaa hai iss se?" (What am I achieving by all this?)

"Abbhi nahin ho rahaa. Baad mein ho ga."
(Nothing right now, but later you will.)

"And I'd do so much drama for that? A wedding, writing crores in the mahr, convincing my parents to lie that Sultana beghum saw you and liked you, all this patience... Is that just how smart you are? I thought you thought I was heartless. Could I not just take that 'benefit' out of you without your will? I'm used to violence. It would have been much more comfortable for me. Do you not understand this peaceful atmosphere is the proof of my love to you?"

"Yes I do think you'd do all that because I think you are a psychopath."

He looks at me and the distance between us, reminding me how I'm resting my head on his shoulder. I instantly shift away and change my statement.

"I mean, it's called infatuation."

And ok, that's still flattering. I didn't know I was pretty enough to have a guy fall for me for even an hour.