The journal of Cassandra Evens

~~~BEFORE~~~ Chapter one:

21st April 2015
Dear journal.....is that how you're suppose to start these things? I don't know, I guess I'll just start with saying "hi." My name is Cassandra Evens and I am 16 years old, currently I am in my Chemistry class and should probably be doing work but, I don't know I just find it extremely boring so I thought I'd start writing in this journal. Just in case you were wondering why exactly a sixteen year old girl would be writing in a journal, just remember personally I thought this was a stupid idea too, I for one think its a really dorky thing you would do in middle school or something and in addition I really do not know how to write a journal. Honestly if I'd decided to write on my own my entries would probably be a little something like this:
21st April 2015
Woke up late today (as usual), ate cereal for breakfast.
Just got home, Jacob waved to me during English, I awkwardly fell off my chair.
Going to bed now, had pasta for dinner.

Yeah.....it's bad. But luckily my oh-so-helpful best friend Leon, having thought of the idea in the first place decided that I not list everything I did during the day but more rather my thoughts and feelings. To me it sounded like a dumb idea but he insisted that it would help me to express my emotions and let out the tension by writing everything out rather then bottling it up inside. But uh....yeah, the point is that I wouldn't be writing in this if it weren't completely necessary. The reason why I'm actually doing this is that Leon thinks I'm depressed, well I guess I am slightly, but apparently doing stuff like this will help and not result in me going insane. Anyway, my Chem teacher, Mr. Zurlo is giving me a really disapproving look so I'm going to pretend like I'm actually concentrating, I guess I'll check in later? I don't know, I feel stupid, like you can actually answer me, but yeah bye.
*****
Why hello again, I'm in Religion now, avoiding the weird stares of students around me as they realise I am writing in a journal. Anyway where was I, oh yeah, Leon thought it was a good idea to start the whole journal thing and he said that I should write it as if someone were to actually read it. Anyway you are probably very confused so I think I'm going to start from the beginning, the very beginning. (Keep in mind that I'm going to be writing in third person, thought it would be fancier.)

On the 21st of December 1998 Lia Marie Sander gave birth to a beautiful baby girl with big brown eyes a button nose and a tuff of coffee coloured hair. Though this was seen as a happy day in which would be celebrated for many years as the birthday of Cassandra Evens, it was also the day of Lia Marie Sander's death. Lia was a loving and dedicated mother, well she was when preparing for the child to be born, many said she had a kind soul and others swore she was a cheeky prankster with a humorous personality, all in all she was known as an innocent women. Her death during childbirth was a complete surprise as the doctors and nurses were sure both Lia and the baby were completely healthy, but as they say, 'sometimes you just can't predict what's going to happen' and with this change in the baby and father's life they had a lot to manage. David Evens, the father of Cassandra Evens and husband of Lia Marie Sander, had a vast role to fulfil , being a now single parent he was obligated to quit his full time job to find a new one that paid enough money to support the baby and himself but also allowed enough time for him to look after the baby rather than having a 24/7 nanny. Of course many family members and friends offered to help but being the good man he was, David excepted very little. Over the years David was able to give Cassandra a stable home and early education with a questionable childhood but due to his circumstances he did more than what was expected. Eventually he was able to find another wife named Christine whom he shared a stable relationship with as she was able to provide the correct motherly skills to raise a child whilst David payed the rent for their small house. From then on the days seemed to feel lighter and the mood happier as the mournful state in which the father and daughter had been living in lifted slightly and they were able to pursue in the life they deserved. Through primary school, Cassandra played happily amongst the other children, building many friendships and bonds like any normal child, though in the corner of her mind the slight twang disturbed her often with a guilty feeling as she experienced fun. Cassandra dismissed this feeling, not understanding it as she in fact did not know of her mothers death. David thought that since he had already remarried before Cassandra had started kindergarten he would tell her that Christine was in fact her mother, thus sparing them both the grief that Lia's death had created. David, being the kind dad he was did this out of love, so Cassandra wouldn't have her feelings hurt but what he didn't know was that he had another reason to not telling Cassandra about her mother, a reason he didn't want to believe. Because deep down, though he would never admit it out loud, he blamed Cassandra for Lia's death. And his mind automatically assumed to lie to her because if she knew, she would understand the look her father sometimes gave her when he thought she wasn't looking, that look that in fact strategically hid disgust and regret, she would understand why he didn't kiss her on the head every night before she went to sleep, she would understand why he refused to celebrate her birthday every year, she would understand why under all that kindness and over-achieved love was the anger he held against her even though Cassandra had had no control over the matter what so ever. Luckily she did not own any memories of her mother to further complicate the lie so for the first fifteen years of Cassandra's life her parents had managed to keep her real mother a secret. But though Cassandra was outraged and threatened to run away when she found out, it was always a theory that Christine, who had blonde coloured hair, was not her real mother. How else could she have gotten her dark hair if not from her blonde haired parents?
*****
Sorry, I'm going to have to stop there, my class seems to be packing up. Again, it's so weird that I'm writing this as if I'm actually talking to someone, guess I'll just have to get used to it. Anyway I'll try to do an update on my thoughts and feelings and whatever later and don't worry I'll explain all the detailed stuff soon enough.