You're a Badger, Harry

23: You are a Triwizard Champion, Harry

"There is no way out!" said Bagman.

"What?!" Sirius and Remus shouted.

"ARE YOU SURE?!?!?!?"

"He is right," said Mr. Crouch. "Those whose name has come out of the Goblet of Fire are bound to compete."

"Son of a batch!" yelled Remus.

"I'm sorry, Lupin, but that's just how it is. Mr. Potter must compete and —"

"Aha!" cried Harry, startling everyone in the room.

"What now, insolent boy?" Karkaroff sneered.

"Oh no," muttered Cedric, recognizing the maniacal glint in Harry's eyes.

"I have compete, you say? Very well. I shall compete. And I shall fail miserably. I will flunk so badly the goblet will regret ever giving my name."

He began rubbing his hands together and everyone, even Karkaroff, took a step back.

"Well, that settles that," said Ludo, casting wary glances at Harry. "Barty, the first task?"

Mr. Crouch gave the instructions. "You got that?" he asked when he was finished.

The champions nodded.

So did Harry. In his mind, though...

You make a loop de loop and pull, and your shoes are looking cool :) you go over and back, left to righ-

"BACK TO YOUR DORM, THEN." Dumbledore's peaceful voice broke into Harry's thoughts. Honestly, he should do ASMR on YouTube when he retired from his post as headmaster. He'd be very good at it.

Cedric nudged Harry's arm. "Come on. Our housemates will be waiting."

"Okay."

He hoped Ron would believe him this time.

The next morning, he found Ron and Hermione waiting by the Great Hall.

"Hey," he said cautiously.

"How did you name end up in there?" Ron demanded.

"I don't know," Harry said, though he felt the tension in his shoulders lessen considerably. As long as he had his Wheezy, he could face anything. "Hey, where's Draco?" Surely he wasn't avoiding him?

"He went to write to his father," Hermione told him. "Tell him that something sinister is going on here."

"Knowing him, he'll take all morning to write," Ron tried to joke.

Harry wanted to feel relief. But knowing Lucius was a Death Eater... Well, he'd burn that bridge when he was in the middle of it.

When Draco returned, the group headed out to take a walk around the lake.

"Fred and George were lamenting how it was too bad you weren't a Gryffindor," said Ron.

Harry rolled his eyes.

"None of my dormmates want to talk to me," added Hemione.

"Even Blaise barely looked at me all morning," said Draco. "Not that his opinion on this matters."

Harry slowed to a halt. "Wait a second. That's it!"

"What is —? Oh, no..." Ron caught Harry's expression.

"Draco, how good are you at making things?"

Draco blinked.

"Wizards, witches, and all other snitches, gather round!"

Reluctantly, the students turned away from their meals to give Harry their undivided attention.

"As we all know, my name came out of the Goblet of Fire. But, and many of you are already ahead of me on this, there can be only one Hogwarts champion. And I have the perfect solution for it. Draco?"

Draco stepped up, brandishing the box full of badges in his hands. "For no cost, regular or extra, you can support Cedric Diggory, the real Hogwarts champion!"

Ron picked one up. "And that's not all! Take a look at what else it does!"

He pressed his thumb against the badge and the words changed to POTTER STINKS.

Excited murmuring broke out among the students.

"What about you?" sneered Zacharias. "Aren't you going to wear one?"

"I am so glad you asked, Smith," said Harry. "And the answer is no. I am not going to wear one." He whipped off his robes. "I'm gonna wear three of them!"

The students cheered.

Harry whipped around to face the teachers. "And you, Professors? Are you going to join in?"

"I'll take one," said Remus immediately, hand shooting upward like he was a student again.

"That's the spirit!" Harry threw one at him. Remus scrambled to catch it and nearly smacked McGonagall in the face.

"Snape?" Harry continued, ignoring Remus' flustered apologies and McGonagall's unimpressed look. "How bout you? You already don't like me — your biggest mistake yet — you may as well."

Snape sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Very well." He caught the badge much more smoothly and sent Remus a smirk.

Draco shook the box, rattling the badges inside. "This box ain't getting any lighter here."

Instantly, he was surrounded by students clamoring to get their hands on a badge.

"You have lost your mind, Harry!" said Megan, her voice filled with admiration despite her words.

"Why, thank you, Megan. I really appreciate your honesty. Now go support Cedric."

Beaming, she went over to Draco.

"Oh, and make sure the Beauxbatons and Durmstrang students hear of this!" Harry added, raising his voice to be heard over the clamor. "The more, the merrier!"

He sat back, eyes closed as he listened to the cheers. Ah, much better.

Up next: Rita Skeeter won't know what hit her.

Song: "Loop de Loop" from SpongeBob