MAD LOVE

Chapter 32

"Not this..." I breathed softly and looked up, mentally addressing the Almighty.

What sin did I commit? Why am I going through all the circles of hell? Did I really need even more suffering, by being pregnant?

I lost track of how long I sat on the cold bathroom floor. After shaking with wild sobs, complete apathy seized me, and I stared lifelessly at nothing. I kept repeating the same question in my head...

Who's the father?

Closing my eyes, I remembered my last night with Mike: smooth movements, sensual touching, gentle kisses... And we completely lost our heads, forgetting to use protection...

Children are born of great love. My mother's words suddenly surfaced, and I desperately wanted to believe it.

Do you remember the movie The Gift? Pleasant memories were replaced by a terrible picture of an envelope with its horrible contents. An invisible force squeezed my heart again, and I felt an incredible pain in my chest. Curling up, I trembled, and my tear ducts went into overdrive.

Why did he put those condoms in the envelope? Was he trying to show me how many times he took advantage of me? He must have had unprotected intercourse with me more than once. Was he trying to get me pregnant? Only he didn't take into account that I had been with Mike before.

Bastard...

Eventually, I calmed down. There was no more strength left in my body and, apparently, I did not show signs of life for a very long time, because an urgent knock on the door followed by insistent pulling on the handle brought me out of my inner torment.

"Alana, dear, open up!" Mom had already started hammering on the wooden surface, and Dad was ready to take it off the hinges. Forcing myself to get up from the floor, I went out to my parents.

There was a long silence in the living room. No one wanted to be the first to speak about the unexpected news, but we had to decide how to live with this.

"My girl." My mother was the first to break the silence. "A child is an enormous responsibility, but also a great joy," she said and gently took my hands in her palms, squeezing them slightly, showing her unconditional support.

"Dear," Dad said, continuing the conversation, "no matter how hard it is, we will always help. You can take a sabbatical, we'll go back to New York and finish everything there. We'll sell the house and move to Boston so you can go back to university."

The kindness of my parents always amazed me and not a day passed without me thanking God for them.

"Do you want me to keep the baby? What if Mark's the father?"

"Does it really matter? The child is not to blame for anything, Alana, you have to understand this..."

While my mother quietly and calmly told me about the importance of having a child in any woman's life, I watched my father. He sat with a very dejected look, thinking about something. After some mental anguish, he spoke, avoiding eye contact.

"In fact, you just have no way out," he said calmly, paying absolutely no attention to his wife's angry look. "You can't have an abortion... Having blood with a negative Rh factor, there is a huge probability you might not have children in the future, as this is your first pregnancy. As a future doctor, understand this perfectly, my daughter... Regardless of who fathered the child, this will be the most beloved grandson or granddaughter in the world..."

I closed my eyes, letting out the tears. Small drops fell from my eyelashes and rolled down my cheeks to my chin, leaving wet traces of spiritual relief.