Hey there, everyone. It's Jazzy. I can't believe it but it's been a while since I've done anything here. I want you guys to know how I've been feeling these days. Busy times, drama, and stress finally came to me. It's summer and yet I have to deal with this.
Being the third-wheeler is always so frustrating. I should be happy for them...I was the one who made it all happen in the end. My feelings of envy are impure not because I wanted to be the one but because I can't experience the same thing. I-I'm so sorry guys. I wish I could have happiness in my life but...
What if...it was me? What if...I was the one? What if I was meant to be like this? Every single morning, I wake up knowing I won't see you. Life feels like hell. Why do things have to stay like this? Wouldn't ending things be much easier? Wouldn't suicide help ease my pain? Ha, what a stupid question. There will be pain when blood comes out of my body. Even so, I can't stop my own life when I have to live for the promise I made. Life. Such a meaningful word yet so meaningless to many people.
I don't know if you experienced this, but have you heard of emotional and physical pain? Physical pain may hurt a lot to your body. We've been there before. But emotional pain? It's on a whole other level. You can feel your heart stinging with pain as you breathe each and every second. Water trickles down your face as you feel it. You feel like you're choking because your heart is breaking, tearing apart. Pain hurts so much on the inside, doesn't it? Haha, and this is the consequence I get for doing it. Sometimes, I ask this to God. "Why is life so unfair?" I hear people say it all the time but the truth is told. It's not. Because of our ill decisions, we have to pay back in some way right?
I couldn't risk anything to end our friendship. I couldn't. Back then...I used to think you were a beautiful person. That was the only reason why I liked you. Later on, as we grew closer, I learned so much about you. I didn't realize then that I fell in love with you. We held hands. You thought of it as a romantic reaction. I, on the other hand, was so dense. I only thought you meant it as a platonic relationship. And I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I wish I could make you smile again. I wish I could make you happy. I wish I could save you from the consequences I faced. I wish I could thank you for everything. I wish I could turn back time back to when we met. I wish we never separated from each other. I...loved you too much, I couldn't risk anything that could end our friendship. I was scared of saying the wrong answer and lose you. That's why I did it. That's why! I did it so we could keep it that way. And I still lost you because of my decision. Because I was a coward. I care for you. Thank you for everything. I won't break my promise to you, even if it will hurt me.
I drew this on this on the first day of pride month (LGBTQ) because of this drawing challenge with my sister. I only won because she was too lazy to draw. If she wasn't, I think I would've been beaten pretty badly. I'm pretty sure Shoto Todoroki supports LGBTQ.
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Maybe this is the age where I'm just feeling this and it's not that bad. Only time will tell. Please do not worry about me. I'm not trying to get attention. I only wanted to tell you guys what's been going on in my life through my feelings. Please don't feel bad about me. I'm fine and I won't die that easily. I won't give up on my life yet.
Thank you guys for the support. I especially want to thank my followers though. Thanks for continuing to follow me despite my inactivity. I will pick one of my followers to give them a drawing soon.
