Gov: Would you guys be there for me if I was going through something?
Washington: Nope
California: Absolutely not.
New York: I hope it sucks, whatever you're going through.
Minnesota, laughing: I hope it sucks?!
Virginia, also laughing: What the [technical glitch]?
Louisiana: I hope it emotionally scars you for the rest of your life.
Texas: I hope you reach out to me so I can ignore you.
Florida: I can't wait to go to your funeral, knowing I could've changed that outcome.
----------
(Gov's Apartment in DC)
Gov, walking into his house: Hello, people who do not live here.
New York: Hey.
Texas: Hi.
California: Hello.
Louisiana: Hey!
Gov: I gave you the key to my place for emergencies only!
Florida: We were out of Doritos!
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Louisiana: Croissants: dropped
New York: Road: works ahead
Texas: BBQ sauce: on my titties
California: Shavacado: fre
Florida: Miss Keisha: fuckin dead
Gov:
Gov: I didn't understand a single word of that and I hate every single one of you.
----------
Gov: We need to distract these guys
Florida: Leave it to me
Florida: Centaurs have six limbs and are therefore insects. Discuss.
New York, California, and Texas: *Immediately begin arguing*
Gov, watching in horror: Oh this. I don't like this. I don't like this at all.
----------
Gov: If you bite it and you die, it's poisonous. If it bites you and you die, it's venomous.
Utah: What if it bites me and it dies!?
New York: Then you're poisonous. Jesus Christ, learn to listen.
Texas: What if it bites itself and I die?
Louisiana: That's voodoo.
Colorado: What if it bites me and someone else dies?
California: That's correlation, not causation.
Nevada: What if we bite each other, and neither of us die?
Florida: That's kinky.
Gov: Oh my God.
----------
California: I want to believe you're a Libra but you're acting like a Gemini!
Louisiana: Don't sign shame me!
New York:The stars aren't real and the earth is flat you dumbfucks!
California and Louisiana: sigh Leo.
----------
Gov, going over Florida's statehood application: Okay, so right here, it states that you're creative.
Florida: Yes
Gov: Okay... may I know what you create?
Florida: Problems.
----------
Gov over dinner: Okay, how about we all try saying something nice to each other.
California: I'll go first
California to Texas: You're like school in summer
Texas: And that means...
California: No class.
Gov: One dinner. One dinner is all I ask for
----------
New York: I'm in such a crabby mood, so everyone just leave me alone! I hate everyone!!
New York: ...
New York: Nobody recognizes my hints to smother me with affection.
----------
Florida: I've never seen a snowball fight before. what are the rules?
Minnesota: ... What
Florida: Is there like a point system? Or is it to the death
----------
Florida: This date is boring
Gov: It isn't a date. I said I was going to the store
Florida: Then why did you invite me?
Gov: I specifically didn't invite you. I said "Don't come" and you said "Fuck you Gov I'll do what I want."
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Texas: Oklahoma, my old arch enemy.
California: ... What the hell? I thought I was your arch enemy!
Texas: I have a life outside of you, California.
----------
Gov: Everyone remember to drink water and stay hydrated everyone
Florida: No
Gov: Then become the dirt I walk on.
----------
Florida: Okay...Give it to me straight. Why did I faint earlier?
Gov: You have appendicitis.
Florida: Oh my God, am I dying?
New York: Yes. Someday, but not from this. They had to remove your appendix.
Florida: New York, I assume you're ready to give me yours.
New York: What the [speaks New York]? Hell no.
Florida: Then Gov.
Gov: Why would you need another one?
Florida: So I can jump higher.
Gov: First off, that makes no sense. Second, how much morphine did they give you?
Florida: Not enough to kill me...that's what the appendicitis will do.
Gov and New York: YOU'RE NOT DYING.
YOU ARE READING
Welcome to the Statehouse/Table Oneshots and Headcanons
FanfictionA place for me to put my shorter oneshots that I can't justify as standalone pieces and my headcanons for the different states. Goes into the shenanigans of the Statehouse, the angst, and some of the ships.
