confess your feelings to set you free(Elliot And Olivia)

circles

Olivia sits quietly on the long couch across from Dr. Lindstrom, she watched him as he read the first page of her notebook. She glances up when she notices the fan in his office was on but making a slight clicking sound 

"Thats really annoying" Olivia said, unaware she spoke out loud

Peter closes the notebook slowly and as he put his hands on the notebook in his lap "I can turn it off if you'd like" he said

Olivia shakes her head "no, it's fine.." she said and motioned towards the notebook"so, did I get an A?" She joked

Peter smiles slightly "Olivia, I asked you figure out why you make excuses for him...and instend you wrote  about what seems to be random moments from before he left, why?" he said

Olivia shrugs as she shifts and crosses her legs "I dont know..i just wrote whatever came to my mind" she said quietly

Peter opens the notebook "so tell me about the stare, the look he gave you, when was this?" He asked

Olivia takes a deep breath "it was..it was September 1999, we were working a case and he made a comment about me not knowing my neighbors, or not having a life outside of the job" she said and sighs

Peter tilts head as he listens

Olivia smiles slightly, out of habit when she thinks him "I told him I was a monk, and he said I was monkette..like a girl monk, and when I looked at him, I noticed he was staring at me, and had been the whole time...he didn't give a reason why, but.." she said and stoped, she looks down at the ring on her finger for a moment

Peter raises his eyebrows slightly "but what?" He asked

Olivia clears her throat, she looks back up at him "but I had butterflies the whole way back to the precinct..i couldn't stop thinking about how he looked at me" she said and rolled her eyes knowing she sounds like a teenge girl

Peter nods slightly "Olivia, you've worked for svu for how long?" He asked knowing the answer

"Over years 20 years.." Olivia said

"Do you remmeber the name of every single victim you've helped? Or Lost?" Peter asked

Olivia shakes her head softly "I used to, but now mostly the big cases, or the ones I still keep in contact with" she said

Peter clears his throat "you've done this job for over 20 years, you can't say you remember every name of the people you help and yet you remember having Butterflies in 1999?..23 years ago?" He asked

Olivias glances at the clock for a moment "yeah well...my job is depressing  most of the time" she said

"And being partners with Elliot wasn't?" Peter asked quickly

Olivia falls silent, of course it wasn't depressing, it never was. She shakes her head  "no.." she said

Peter motions towards to contuine

Olivia chuckles softly, she takes a deep breath and shrugs "no, it wasn't depressing, I felt safe with him, I felt...taken care of" she said

Peter leans forward in his chair "and when he left?" He asked

Olivia swollows hard as she nods "yeah..that was..that was hard" she said

Peter motioned towards the notebook "so why didn't you write about that like I asked you to" He asked

Olivia shifts again in her seat, she glances up the clock again

Peter leans back in his chair "why do you keep looking at the clock Olivia? You know even once our time runs out I'm still going to suggest you keep writing" he said

Olivia sighs quietly, she runs her hands down her knees softly "I feel like we're going to go in circles with this, maybe this was bad idea" she said

Peter chuckles "Olivia you were the one who brought him up to begin with...the only way we won't go in circles is if you open yourself up to the memories of when he left, why he left and how that made..and makes, you feel" he said

Olivia glances back down at her hands "and if I cant" she said

Peter shurgs "then round and round we go" he said

Olivia scoffs lightly "I can't spend every day writing about my feelings, I do have a job" she said

Peter smiles "when did you meet Elliot again?" He asked

Olivia sigh "1999..why?" Shd asked

Peter looks down at the papers "you wrote that he asked for a new partner, what year was that ?" He asked

Olivia looks down at her hands, she spins a thin ring around her finger "2006" she said

Peter leans forward handing the notebook towards her "You wrote about moments in 1999 and 2006..both well before he left" he said

"I'm trying" Olivia said as she grabbed the notebook from him

"I dont think you are" Peter said watching her for a reaction

Olivia scoffs lightly "wow, okay" she said now getting defensive and a little irritated "circles" she added

"I think you're forcing yourself not to think about it, it's easier to ignore that he left now that he's back than to understand the pain you felt when he left" Peter said

Olivia stays quiet, she looks down at the notebook in her hands

"If you don't want to go in circles Olivia, then i suggest you try harder this week" Peter said

Olivia stays quiet

Peter goes to speak  just as the alarm he had set went off, he sighs

Olivia smiles "saved by the bell" she said

Peter leans over and shuts the alarm "one last thing" he said

Olivia braces herself, must be big if he's letting the time go over

Peter glanced at the notebook in her hands "you scribbled out the last bit at the end, you said-" he said before she cut him off

"I know what I said" Olivia said quickly. she wants him back,  "I dont know why I wrote it, I just did" she added

Peter nods softly "that's okay...thats what this process is for, to understand why" he said

Olivia chuckles softly "I know..I will try harder this week...I promise" she said
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Hope you all enjoyed this chapter !! Next chapter is coming soon