Illusions of the heart

1: Zoey

I stood on the balcony of my third floor apartment. It was another hectic day. Just another to add to my chaotic life. How I am still standing amongst the living and coping, is a very good question. How I have yet to crumble into a pathetic bundle of heartache, is another question that would remain unanswered. In the last month: I've lost both of my parents to an unforeseeable act of nature, greeted my brother after they've sented an empty coffin home from Afghanistan and bid my best friend goodbye. Buddy, my childhood pet. Ha've welcomed me home every night as I returned from work. Scratching the fur behind his ears were always enough to lift my spirits. Tonight, however, there's no golden retriever to welcome me j
home. It feels like I've been borned underneath a bad moon. My last bit of hope for the living is drowning me from the inside out.

A lone tear roll down my cheek, followed by another and another. I wipe it away with the back of my hand, but it's no use. A light, comfortable mist rain spray over me, while a few golden rays peeks through the dark clouds. It had been threatening to rain all week long. I'm glad to see that the downpour is in reach. The forecast warned about a heavy storm last night, but I pay little attention to it. You can't always believe everything that have see on the telly. I lift my face towards the dark clouds to be greeted by an unforgotten promise. Seven beautiful colors winked back at me. The lyrics of an old classical fill my mindset and erupted from my mouth in a string of pure notes.

"Somewhere over the rainbow, way up high.
There's  a land that I've heard of, once in a lullaby.
Somewhere over the rainbow, skies are blue.
And the dreams that you dare to dream, really do come true."

"Someday I wish upon a star and wake up where the clouds are far behind me.
Where troubles melt like lemon drops.
Away above the chimney tops.
That's where you'll find me."

As I sang the power ballet, a snow white dove sat down on the railing in front of me. Apparently unfazed about me being here. He seems extremely tame. I pointed my hand out towards the dove and without, whatsoever, hesitation climbed on. I changed the words slightly as I continued the song.

"Somewhere over the rainbow, white doves fly.
Doves fly over the rainbow, why, then, oh why can't I?"

I lift my hand up into the sky. Feeling like a princess at the moment. The one who always seems to find her happily ever after, at the end of the book. I lift it even higher and watch as the bird flies away.

"If happy little white doves fly, beyond the rainbow.
Why, oh why can't I?"

Up and up he flew. I watched how he disappeared beyond the river of colors. I wipe another lone tear away with the back of my hand. For the first time, in what feels like forever, I feel more at ease. Like the dove were sent to me in person, to calm my broken heart (even if it was only for a little while). "Thank you little one. I appreciate your gesture of love," I whisper to myself. Hoping that it would reach him on the wings of a breath.