Adrenaline

47 | the most wonderful time of the year

"You stayed over even when I was away."

It's true. Brendon's home has become a safe haven, even from those for whom I don't need one. But that doesn't mean I can just toss this onto him at such an early stage in our relationship. I can't even wrap my head around being someone who lives with a significant other in the first place. I've spent so long being the girl they spend some time with before they move on to their happily ever after. The idea I have a future so connected to someone else that I'm having this kind of talk with them is foreign to me.

"I can't ask you to—"

"Why not?" he interrupts. "You think I'd say no? You think I don't always want you here even now?"

The way he's astonished I would even hesitate to ask makes me feel incredibly silly, and I bury my head into his neck to avoid having to look him in the eye. "We just started dating. I'm not trying to move too fast for either of us."

"Can you ask me what I think first so I can decide what I'm okay with?"

From anyone else, I might crawl into a hole. Because it's coming from Brendon, with a smile behind his words no less, I know he's just forcing me to confront the thing I'm afraid of for no reason.

"I'm not saying it out loud 'cause I'm a nervous toad but I will accept your answer."

Brendon rolls his eyes. "Obviously if you're not ready for that, you don't have to. But, we've been in each other's lives for years now. It would definitely be...different. But we're on the road so much anyway that it's not like we're jumping into completely different territory. If you want, you can test out staying here and find a place later if you're more comfortable with that. Either way, I don't mind. Do what you're most comfortable with. But know that I meant it when I said you're what I want, every single part of you at every second of every day, and nothing is going to change that. We can move at any speed. Don't psych yourself out because you think that's what we're supposed to do."

"How do you always know exactly what to say?"

"It's your turn now."

I slip some space between us so I can look at him. "I need some time to think about it, but thank you for always being you."

"Thank you for making it easy to be me." Brendon brushes a lock of hair away from my face. "Do you know when it's going to happen?"

"Probably sometime in March or April."

He kisses me. "You have plenty of time."

"What if you get tired of me?"

"That'll never happen."

"But it could."

"Stevie."

"Brendon."

"How many times do I need to ask you to respectfully please shut up?"

"Make me—"

He does shut me up with a kiss. And a little something else. Lunch will have to wait a little while, but it's okay. We have all the time in the world.

...

Christmas in LA is different from Christmas back home. But it's still good, especially since Brendon spends the holidays with us this year.

After getting off the phone with his sister, already a day ahead and enjoying her presents, he walks down the stairs to find himself assaulted by me ambushing him with a Santa hat.