Breakable gold

Chapter 17

He didn't have a blackout.

He remembered the last night just as clear as the pool water he has been thrown into.

He remembered bonding times with Harry.
He remembered drinking heavily.
He remembered dancing. (With Harry)
And he remembered the feeling of Harry's warm lips pressing against his own.
The electric feeling of sparkles between their connection.

He remembered not hating anything about it but the realisation afterwards.
Harry fucking Styles had kissed him. On the lips. Not a friendly peck on the cheek or a sweet kiss on the forehead (not that he would hate such things) but a real kiss.

Did he miss an episode between the "let's be friends" and "let's be lovers"? or was it just a fiver dream?

*

Louis was on his way to the studio. The first time since the party (and since the kiss).

Louis made himself the mission not to talk about the kiss and just see how Harry would treat him. If he would act just as nothing has happened or if he would want to talk it out. Or even maybe end things cause the kiss was so bad.
... wait... was the kiss bad?!

He didn't know cause to be honest the last time Louis had kissed someone was months ago with Danielle and the last time he kissed a boy even was... well never. Was kissing still the same?

But the real question here was, why Louis was even thinking about such things when Harry and he would never kiss again. Because obviously they still needed to have a remotely professional relationship and a not cringy friendship. So having the conversation of kissing each other constantly hanging in the air was something Louis wanted to avoid.

And in fact Louis still wasn't over the 'I'm not trusting Harry Styles'-thing.

He wasn't.

But out of all boys on the whole god damn planet Harry was the first one Louis has ever felt- confused?- about. Has ever felt remotely not straight about. Cause no matter what a prick Harry Styles was and will ever be, his lips were fucking magic.

Feeling sparkles?! That's was an experience Louis only connected with books and movies.
And now? Well now there's Harry literally putting Louis' world upside down. Literally!

This morning he even caught himself wanting to write a song on his guitar about green eyes and pink lips. One kiss! All it took for Harry to capture Louis was ONE fucking kiss! Insane.

Louis is going fucking insane!

*

Just as he arrived at the parking lot he immediately spotted Harry's red car and his heart started to beat a little bit faster than usual.

Stay calm, Louis.

Trying to breath as calmly as possible Louis made his way through the corridors and in the direction of their own little studio. Studio 28.
Louis erased every worrying thought out of his brain and finally stepped into the room, fully aware of the fact that Harry's eyes will probably follow his every movements.

So he kept his eyes down, his bad clutched in his left hand and his phone in a tight grip in his right hand. The usual.

The moment Louis was sitting on his leather chair he lifted his eyes and was met with-

-nothing.

Harry had turned his back to him and was fidgeting on the board. Not paying attention to him at all.

Well. Why was Louis even worrying? Right? Haha.

"Ah! Louis, I tried some new chords for the bridge in song 03. Nothing big but I thought this would work out much better." Harry still didn't look at him.

Song 03 was Louis' song. The song was perfect. No need for Styles to change anything.

"Sure. Let me listen to it." Stay polite, Louis.
You're not pissed cause the boy who kissed you yesterday is ignoring you at all. Nop.

Louis grabbed the headphones and pressed the play button, waiting for the familiar melody to start. He loved this song. It was easy but catchy and he wrote it for his sisters a few months after their parents died to enlighten the mood. So yeah, it was perfect.

As the bridge started to play he immediately recognised the changed chords. It was- well-
Louis played backwards and listened to it again.

Okay it was better. Not "much better" but better. So Harry indeed knows what he's doing.

„It's okey. I guess."

„You're funny, Lewis. I know you like it I can see it at the tip of your nose." When Harry finished talking he tipped Louis' nose with his index finger and smirked.

So he was up for joking around but not the Elefant in the room.

Louis took a look into his eyes. Green meeting blue. He tried to read the answer for all of his questions out of his green shining orbs, like it's one of the romans in his bookshelves.
But suddenly he forgot how to read.

The only thing he could concentrate on was the play of colours in Harry's eyes and the few freckles on his cheeks creating a map.

He was just about to follow the so called map when Harry interrupted his search.

„Do I have something in my face?" followed by Harry swiping none existing dirt of his face.

„No." Louis was confused and annoyed and angry and out of breath. „I didn't know you had freckles." His face didn't show any emotions but his soft voice betrayed him.

„These old ones? Oh yeah but I never really liked them." Harry was still smiling, leaned back in his chair way to casual and chill for Louis' fast beating heart.

„They're cute." Louis wasn't thinking. „Kind of." Fuck off.
What the fuck is happening right now?!
„Ehm yeah but the new bridge is good so maybe we should concentrate on song 04 next. I didn't like the into." Louis jumped in before Harry could answer.

„That's my song!" Harry wined.

„It is, genius. Now come on and do something for your money." Louis rolled into position, put his headphones on and started to change some first chords.
After a few seconds he felt Harry's chair coming up beside him.

They spent the rest of the day working in silence beside each other.

And if Louis sometimes caught himself staring at Harry nobody had to know.

*

„Do you think that I'm maybe, you know, anything but straight? Did you realise something before? When I had girlfriends and never felt fully comfortable? Moms know such things, right?"

Louis sat cross legged on the cemetery in front of a gravestone written ‚Johanna Deakin' on it.
Loved mother, wife and friend.

He hasn't been here since at least a few weeks. He never felt really freed afterwards but today it felt right. He needed answers. So many of them and he didn't know who to talk with about it. About his confused feelings and inner battles. So why not start where it all began? With his mother. The one person he would have run to after the kiss happened.

But right now sitting here in the grass he felt like the loneliest person alive, cause he knew no one who would understand his feelings.

No one who could help him with the bloke called Harry Styles.

Louis groaned in defeat and threw his hands up in the air.

Why was everything so fucking messed up?

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