A Love So Absolutely Clear {Crowen} ✔️

08: playing pretend

"what? i'm not leaving her motherless. i talked to her about it and she understands. i have to do my work." he rolled his eyes and gave a little sigh before he got into the car.

"okay, now do you hear yourself? how can you say you're not being selfish when you're putting your career over our sick child! you are choosing to ignore the fact that life is not the way it was before." she got into the car and put her seatbelt on, while he began to start the car to go to work. he had been angry at her for what seemed like a while.

"listen, i'm not trying to be selfish, okay? you and i have different perspectives over this and that is okay. novella is sick. i know. how could i not know? but this is so new to me." she said, her hands moving in the air trying to express her feelings to him so that he could understand where she was coming from. "it's all so new, i don't know how to handle this and you can't tell me i'm being selfish because of that. you said it yourself. it's not just her, it's you and me too. and i get that you can cope with your feelings but not everyone does it the way you do."

he took a deep breath, very clear he was not willing to understand her side. without looking away from the road or bothering to make eye contact with her, he spoke with a soft but intimidating voice.

"hiding is not the answer."

...

"i don't know, he's—he's saying that it's selfish of me because i cope the way i do." cristina complained, taking a sip of her drink. everyone at their lunch table responded with noises that weren't words before someone could actually reply.

"boo him. men suck." meredith shouted like she was drunk on tequila. "cris, we got you. i'll trade you a solo surgery for your fries."

lexie looked at her sister solemnly then hit her in the elbow when meredith took the plate of fries from cristina's tray. she flinched.

"yo, lexie, chill out." meredith said, dropping some fries. lexie just huffed and shook her head.

"you are insane. they're having major problems and all you know how to do is steal someone's lunch." meredith gave her a glare and continued eating. "and cristina, it does seem like you're abandoning your kid. if i were her, i would want my mom."

"please. i know well what my daughter can and can't handle. i'm not abandoning her, either. i have a job that i need to fulfill. can i not do that anymore because she has cancer? is that all of a sudden a crime against humanity because she's sick? where's the logic here?" she countered, then aggressively took a bite of a carrot she had on her tray.

cristina wouldn't have too many surgeries later in the day. because owen was the chief of surgery, he rearranged the schedule so that her surgeries were back to back until her last surgery which ended at five. the only break she had was for lunch. as always, she protested, but owen made no compromises and begged her to be home before seven.

"i don't know if you know this, but being an adult kind of means to shift your priorities around to put your kids first." alex chimed in, jokingly yet annoyingly. lexie laughed though nodded her head in agreement. cristina just groaned.

"you guys are surgeons. you should get this. is it too outrageous to do a job that i love to do? i shouldn't feel bad for that." she looked down to the ground and fidgeted with her fingers. she really did love her job and she would do anything for a flourishing career. but she wasn't running again, was she?