Duskwood: Jake's notes

Fullness of emotions | 4

Time: episode 4.
Place: somewhere in the world, Jake's hideout.
________

Ana:
You were able to find something too for a chance 😝👏
[9:48]

Jake:
That's isn't a first time that I am finding something?
[9:48]

•°•°•°

I know that I shouldn't, definitely shouldn't, be offended by randomly thrown phrases. If only because there's no time for that right now. But the words sting painfully. Does she mean that I didn't find anything myself? Apart from this voice recording, there was also Poke's number and... well, that's all for now. She has more finds on her account, but this is only because I try to filter out the insignificant and deal with important data! And by the way, thanks to whom all her finds became possible?

Stop. Why am I even trying to find an excuse?

•°•°•°

Ana:
Was just trying to be funny
You do know what having fun looks like?

Jake:
At least I've heard about it.
:P

•°•°•°

A joke. Just a joke. I should have known better. Why did I react so strangely? Now that I know what's going on, I can't help but smile. Tricked me, little weird one... It's like that positive noise that usually doesn't exist in my life.

But now is not the time for such thoughts. Experience hints that we can go too far if we let the conversation flow by itself. So I'll take matters into my own hands and remind her that we need to get back to the investigation.

We discuss the details. It seems to touch everything that is possible. I even tick off the points that were touched upon, but Ana manages to surprise me again by noticing a point that has escaped my attention. Children! Hannah was a child at the time of the mysterious incident. And she wasn't alone! Perhaps now we can understand who the second child was, find out the details, and get closer to Hannah. And without her, I'd just miss it. Heck! What's wrong with me? It's just not going anywhere.

•°•°•°

Jake:
If that doesn't give us any new clues soon I am going to pursue the "Jennifer" lead.
You can relax a little bit for now. I have asked a lot of you recently.
[10:25]

Ana:
When was the last time you slept anyway?
[10:27]

Jake:
Last fall?
[10:28]

•°•°•°

Of course, I'm just trying to make a joke. I am kind of also a person with such needs. I slept... A few days ago. Three or four, when things didn't get that bad yet.

This joke goes unheeded. Instead, Ana...

•°•°•°

Ana:
Hey Jake...
[10:35]

Jake:
Yes, Ana?
[10:35]

Ana:
You really have to loosen up
[10:36]
I can literally feel you blushing 🤭
[10:37]
Do you want to tell me something?
[10:38]
You know, I like you
[10:39]

•°•°•°

I can tell by the pauses between messages that she is waiting for a response and only when she doesn't receive it she start writing again. And I want to say something, but I don't want to make a meaningful mess of the sensations and images in my head. My cheeks are really turning pink. But what is it? I react like a youngster.

I want to tell. I want to tell her everything that happened to me, everything that I have to hide about our investigation, every detail, the smallest and most insignificant detail. I want to trust her. But how can I?

And those words again. "I like you." How many times have I heard her say that? The third? This... This is crazy. Because the more I hear it, the more I think I feel the same way about her. These reactions, obsessive thoughts, wrong questions... Damn it. Do I have the right to behave like this towards her? Just an idiot.

I cover my face with my hands and sit there for a moment before answering.

•°•°•°

Jake:
Do you think, I don't feel the same?
[10:51]
You're so mysterious but at the same time I feel like we have known each other for a long time.
[10:53]
Throughout the day I think about you a lot more than I would like. And I don't even know you.
[10:54]
I open up to you, even though I usually never give anyone any information about myself.
[10:56]
My behavior towards you just doesn't make any sense.
[10:57]

•°•°•°

I don't write about the details of my doubts. I'll leave this incompleteness between us, but she understands it herself. Understands the missing "but". Just don't accept my doubts and fears. Maybe if I hadn't missed the opportunity to tell her everything in detail, her behavior would have been different now. But I've already done what I did. Once again, I habitually hid the details from her.

•°•°•°

Ana:
Why are you trying to fight this?
[10:59]

Jake:
Because it isn't right!
And it's dangerous.
For me just as much as for you.
I am sorry Ana.
[11:00]

•°•°•°

Damn, damn, damn!!!

I type text after message in a hurry, not even checking if I've made any mistakes, and log out. I can't sit still. I jump up and pace the room.

Damn!

What's wrong with me? Why am I acting like this, why can't I control it?! I'm already close to just banging my head against the wall a couple of times. Maybe at least this way this nonsense will disappear from my thoughts. I hate it, I just want to scream. I just can't do that! It isn't right! Damn!

I bury my fingers in my hair and lean against the wall, watching the window out of the corner of my eye. Some strange moves there. Something seems to be happening.