Ready to Run

Chapter 36

When they finish their game, Doris and Ernest feel tired so they go to bed to have a quick nap. Harry and Louis do the same. Now they are upstairs in Louis' room, tangled on the bed, talking about anything and everything.

Somehow, they ended up on the topic of their past relationships, or in Louis' case, the lack of it.

"You've never been in love before? Or had feelings for anyone?" Harry asks softly, his head resting on Louis' chest.

The thing that is wonderful with Harry is that he is not even remotely judgmental. Louis has been asked this question a million times before, but every time he had heard it, someone made it feel like a bad thing and had that expression on their face which spelt confusion and weirdness. Harry makes it sound airy and soft and simply curious. This is one of the things Louis loves about him.

"I have, actually. Once." Louis answers, staring at the ceiling while his hands mindlessly plays with Harry's curls. This is another thing Louis loves about his boyfriend.

"I would guess it didn't work out..." He says sadly and Louis' lips turn up slightly.

"Not really, no." Louis says, exhaling before continuing. "But it was pretty much my fault." He adds and he feels Harry is about to protest, or ask further questions, so Louis beats him to it and answers his unasked questions. "I didn't really know how I felt about them, I just had thoughts... Thoughts like 'I'd like to kiss them' or 'I wouldn't mind being in a romantic relationship with them'. But I honestly didn't think much of it. Until we fell apart and it hurt way more than it should have. I mean, we had a strong relationship and we were really close, so obviously it hurt, but what hurt more was that if I'd just realized sooner..." He shrugs, sighing. "Maybe it would've gone differently."

Harry hums and listens. "Do you think they liked you back?"

Louis thinks about it, like he had for years after he and his... friend... stopped talking. Finally, he answers, "Yeah, I like to think so. We had something I'd never had with anyone and I won't lie, they acted pretty flirty and everything with me, but I guess I was the same. I just think that maybe if I had acted upon my feelings, I wouldn't have wondered so long what could have happened between them and I."

"I get what you mean. I've never actually experienced it, but... I get what you're saying." Harry's voice tells Louis softly.

Louis smiles and for the first time since a good thirty minutes, he looks down at Harry. Harry is not looking back, though, his cheek still pressed to Louis' chest. Louis wonders if he is able to hear his heart beating and chanting his name, like it seems to do every time he is around. Louis wonders how he got so lucky, to be able to have a part of the sunset with him wherever he is, to be able to hold, kiss and simply touch the personification of every single beautiful thing in the world. He does not know how, but he is thankful.

"I'm glad I could talk about it with you. I've never... I've never told anyone." He smiles sadly.

"Why?" Harry questions, a tinge of curiosity audible in his deep voice.

"Never trusted anyone enough, I guess." Louis sighs and feels Harry kiss where Louis' heart lays beneath the layers of skin.

"I'm happy to be that person for you. The one you trust. Because you are the one I trust, too."

"God, we're so sappy." Louis chuckles and Harry lets out an agreeing laugh.

"You know, I've never trusted anyone like this before. Not my past partners, who I had known way more than I've known you." Harry sighs, his thumb rubbing at Louis' lower belly. "I just feel... you make me feel safe. You're like a blanket. Fluffy, comforting, warm, comfortable, safe. You can just hold me and all my sorrow will disappear. You have this effect on me, and... It's almost scary how much I feel connected to you in some ways. Since the very start." He finishes and Louis has to bite down the enormous grin which threatens to take over his face.