Ready to Run

Chapter 28

Louis jolts awake, drenched in sweat as he looks around. He blinks a few times, his eyes getting used to the darkness. As soon as his eyes are accustomed to his surroundings he looks around the hotel room and sees the balcony door open and Harry's silhouette. Louis' heart is beating fast as the memories of yesterday's event come back to him.

Louis still does not understand what happened considering it happened so quickly. He never felt that way before. Bringing his knees to his torso and wrapping his arms around them, Louis thinks about what Harry told him yesterday which led Louis to whatever state he was in.

Harry lives in New York. Louis shuts his eyes tightly and buries his head in his knees, feeling his heart starting to pick up the pace again. Fuck, Harry is going to go back to his life and forget about Louis as soon as he sets foot in New York.

Louis sucks in a breath when he hears movement from outside. He hears a soft and breathy, "Lou?" before hearing footsteps coming closer to him. "Hey, Lou, baby." Harry says softly and Louis has to dig his nails in his thighs because if not he would burst.

The bed dips beside him and he can feel Harry's warmth, which right now just makes him want to throw up. He is already missing something he has not yet lost. The skin of Louis' arm prickles with goosebumps when he senses the bare brush of Harry's fingers against it.

"Lou, are you okay? You had a panic attack and fell asleep. Do you need something? Water?" He asks, his voice so sweet and so patient and all Louis can think is fuck. Fuck because he is about to break things with Harry and the guy is not making it any easier on him. He just keeps reminding Louis the reasons why he loves him.

Finally, Louis' head snaps up when he feels Harry's hand on his. Louis pulls away, hiding his hands under his thighs that he straightens in front of him, under the duvet. Harry frowns, seeming hurt by the brutality with which Louis pulled away from him.

Louis purses his lips. He does not want to talk, he does not want to do anything. He just wants time to stop so he can stay here with Harry forever. Unfortunately, he can't. He has to let go, for his own sake. He is already broken now to have to let Harry go, just imagine how he would be if things went on for a month or two, until Harry finds someone else. He would be even worse, if it is even possible.

Louis honestly never thought he would be the kind to get attached in a blink of an eye. He guesses he was wrong, so very wrong. When he looks into those green eyes, he can just think of how fucked he is. "I'm fine, Harry." He says coldly, looking away from Harry's face. Louis wants to cry with how much doing this hurts him.

"I-" Harry stutters. Louis closes his eyes tightly and bites his lip so hard it might start bleeding. "Why do you pretend you're fine when it's obvious you're not?" He says, his voice still so fucking gentle it honestly tugs at Louis' heartstrings.

"I said I was fine." Louis says through gritted teeth. He is not angry at Harry, he is angry at himself for being so insecure he has to do this.

Apparently Louis' answer does not convince Harry but annoys him instead because Harry huffs loudly. "Oh yeah of course you're alright, that's why you had a panic attack mere hours ago and that's also why you're acting the way you are right now." He says, getting angry but still obviously trying to tone it down. Harry tries to meet Louis' eyes but Louis refuses. "Lou, you can tell me what it is." He tries desperately.

"It is nothing, I already told you that." Louis says, his voice soft but Harry does not seem to believe a single word that leaves Louis' mouth.

"We don't even have to talk about it right now. Maybe you should just go back to sleep for now." Harry sighs, getting up and walking a few meters before stopping again. Louis holds his breath, still looking down at his lap. "I'll be out there if you need me. Get some sleep." He walks away.