from Academy to Anbu by theriku260

chapter 18

Deidara scoffed at Hikaru's accusation.

"MY STUNT?! I'm not the one that said 'hey Fox, wouldn't it be funny if you dropped a bomb on the visiting Akimichi's cake?"

"Wow, blame me, real mature, Pyro-kohai. I said it would be funny, not to ACTUALLY do it. Who in their right mind drops a bomb in a HOSPITAL?!" Hikaru waved his arms in frustration, which increased when Deidara huffed.

"Blowing stuff up proves how amazing art is, un! How was I supposed to know the fatso would turn into a ball and wreck the waiting room! Dragon-teme is going to pay when we spar next! I can just see it now, un. I'll turn his whole body into art! As an EXPLOSION!" The blonde let off a cackle as Hikaru nervously backed away.

"Great, of course I'd be teamed with the psycho. Why is ANBU filled with weirdos? Yugao has a sword shrine, Tenzo worships the log privately, Chibi-kohai is obsessed with ramen and now my 'partner'…I'm the only normal one on our squad!" Hikaru mutters. Unfortunately Deidara hears him.

"Normal, un? Hell no! You have a cockroach collection under your bed!"

"They keep the floor clean after I cook!" Hikaru defended.

"So you feed them scraps? Tell me, how is that sane? And you even set up a habitat for then, un. One waved at me in the shower! I've never screamed so loud in my life, un"

"Ah yes, Fi-39 is very sociable. She helped prove you are female" Hikaru boasted. Deidara grew a tick mark.

"I'm a male! We've established this- you barged into the bathroom when I screamed"

"And you covered your chest up with the shower curtain- only ladies do that! So, you're obviously a chick."

"I have the same anatomy as any other male- We compared sizes last night" Deidara pointed out, which Hikaru dismissed with a flippant hand.

"Obviously a henge. Face it, embrace your gender! We in Konoha are very gender equal in ninja duties! No need to hide."

"You're an ass, you know that right, un?" Deidara deadpanned.

Meanwhile, a certain crow poofed away to inform its master of the two buffoon's progress while rolling its eyes at their utter unprofessionalism.

Summoning realm, following night…

Jenta Kendo blinked groggily as the world came back. He didn't remember falling asleep and the dim room he was in was deffinetly not his office.

"Good, you're awake, I was getting bored" a disembodied voice rang from above. He lifted his head- the only part not paralyzed- and widened his eyes at the sight. A young blonde ANBU- the one Konoha had sent as their political bull dog he realized- waved at him lazily while holding a needle in the other hand.

"W-why did Konoha send one of its dogs after me? This won't look good on you! When my men find out they'll"

"Associate it with a tragic accident, but will move on after it comes out that you left all your assets to secretary and secrete lover in your will, as you couldn't acknowledge his affections in public. Life will go on and nobody will miss you."

"W-wait! I'll do anything! How much do you want? Millions? How about your own island away from hunter nins? Or all the women you could want?"
"…I'm not even a teenager yet" Naruto says after a pregnant pause. "Goodbye" he finishes and throws the senbon with precision accuracy. It strikes the inside of Jenta's ear, sending him into a seizure. With a heavy sigh Naruto has them reversed summoned back to the mansion, and before a minute is up the ANBU is out the window. A dead ex-accountant gazes unseeing at the ornate ceiling in his luxurious bed. When Rai checks on his employer thirty minutes later no evidence would be left to link anything but the Shinigami to the crime.