Have you ever thought about leaving? I don't mean on a train to hop through countries south of living through your current pain, I mean to truly leave? I can't stop thinking about it, in all I say and do It's a set reminder ringing in my head like I woke up late for school.
I should be in a rush but instead, it feels like I am moving in slow motion, watching myself from myself. Have you ever felt like that?
I'm in my 20s and all my current thoughts are surely it shouldn't feel like this, surely I shouldn't miss memories that weren't mine, and surely I should grasp at goals I'm too scared to set. Then I brush the feeling off, I let things I enjoy consume me to stop my thoughts... sometimes I wonder what life would be like if I was not in control of my mind, if an accident occurred and my ways slipped from my grip and staring at a wall was all the fulfillment I needed. I often think others think the same, and that upsets me.
why? I do not know.
I have thought about leaving but never enough to leave, wishing I didn't have the choice and now wishing I did. I lay on this cold road, still, as you know with a brace around my neck I'm smiling and I'm crying, I have a lump in my throat, I think, I hope.
I thought I would feel happy, I thought I would finally feel free.
However, it just led me to realise, that I don't want to leave.
