Undercover (Boyxboy)

Chapter Fifteen

"Don't be. We have no room for nerves." I had heard that line so often it was engrained in my brain. During every mission I would get slightly nervous whenever we were about to get down into the tough shit. And every time he would come out with that line.

It meant that he had stopped being nervous. He was like a machine - he could void himself of all emotion and think strategically instead of letting his feelings get in the way. The only times I had ever seen fear flash through his eyes was whenever I was in trouble.

And to be fair, yes - it happened often. But it was only because I was the only one badass enough to do all of the brave stuff!

Ethan claimed it was because I was reckless - he was the one who ran in front of a fucking bullet for me years ago! He was reckless.

"Are we almost there?"

"How am I supposed to know? I'm following those two," he jerked his thumb towards the car in front of us which was going at a considerable speed. Fucking Tom probably showing off in front of Ethan - what an idiot.

I just nodded in response. I was getting an uncomfortable feeling in the pit of my stomach. This was the first time Ethan had dismissed my nerves and told me to get on with it. Last night he was begging me to run away with him when I mentioned the mere possibility of my death. I wondered how he would react now if I brought it up again...

"So, um, if I do die will you make sure to get out of there as quick as possible?" I didn't know why I was doing it - I was poking the sleeping gorilla with a shitty stick. It was just that now that shit was getting real, I felt helpless. And I had never felt that way before a mission.

I knew that everything would be okay. But for my own vanity, I needed Ethan to give me reassurance and maybe, just maybe, some lovin'.

"You're not going to die," his jaw clenched.

I frowned and instantly felt guilty for asking the question. I remembered back to last night when he broke down in my arms and I cursed myself for bringing my possible death up again. What did I want? The guy to start bawling his eyes out again?

I was a fucking idiot sometimes. "Yeah, I know," was all I replied.

There was a silence and I had made a promise to myself to keep my mouth shut for the rest of the journey. I was startled out of my own thoughts though when his hand moved from the gear-stick to cover mine on my lap.

As we stopped at traffic lights he leaned over and placed a soft, tender kiss on my lips, lingering there for a few seconds and stroking my cheek. "Everything's going to be okay," he whispered, looking into my eyes.

I swallowed hard and nodded, feeling dizzy. Nobody had ever made me feel like Ethan did - I had never felt knee-buckling dizzy from love before. I loved a lot of things - I loved it when my Coke was extra cold. I loved it when the weather was hot. I especially loved it when I beat Georgie at darts. But never had I loved something so much that it consumed my every fleeting emotion and thought.

When Ethan pulled back after the car behind us honked, he drove off again as if he hadn't just stopped my heart.

"Um... thanks," was all I could reply. It was rare that I was lost for words but through the stress of what I was just about to do, that one sweet moment had meant everything.

Jesus I was turning into a fucking softie.

"They're turning left," Ethan murmured, frowning in concentration as Georgie and Tom swerved to the left down a dusty, narrow road. Ethan and I both perked up in concentration, our eyes peeled for any sudden movements. I was also memorising the way we got here in case we needed a swift exit.