"Believe me I'm fine now, I just want to go home. If anything this place is making me worse, I'm not like these people. I just had a lapse in judgement and lost myself for a moment. I realize how it seems but honestly I'm so much better now" I said with conviction in my voice.
"You've done really well engaging with us and taking all the next steps to ensure a healthy future. So I grant you discharge tomorrow morning at 2pm. I just ask you to carry on engaging with the home treatment team and I-Access" The tall dark head doctor told me while looking at his notes. The other doctors and psychiatrists were all writing things down on their small tablets. God I hated this. All of these judgmental looks were something I would normally swing at people for.
I nodded my head and slightly smiled. "Of course, thank you for your help" with that I stood up and walked out of the large meeting room. I walked down the wide corridor past the other patients rooms before I reached mine. I fell onto my bed and looked at my watch. 2:20pm I was only in that meeting for 20 minutes but it felt like hours. I jumped up and decided to have a quick shower to wash the anxiety sweat that had accumulated from being in a room with strangers. Normally I'm drunk when i see other people. I guess to stop the overwhelming fear of eyes looking at me and me not knowing what they are thinking.
After my shower I decided to see if they would allow me to go for a cigarette. Although I actually wanted to smoke a joint. Dressed in my comfy tracksuit bottoms and matching hoodie I walked to the main office where they keep your phone, charger, lighter, cigarettes and anything you could possibly hurt yourself with. Peaking through the glass I noticed Florence, the only staff member here I really liked. Before I could knock she had already opened the door.
"Arabella. I hear you are going home tomorrow, I bet you're excited" Florence had such an upbeat voice and actually made me feel like someone somewhat cared how I was. I smiled and nodded my head. "I'm guessing you would like your cigarettes?"
"If I could that would be great" I looked at her with hope. She shut the door again whilst she grabbed my tobacco, filters and a lighter. I looked up the corridor to see one of the people who really wound me up. She would continuously smear sandwiches over the staff office, throw things at other people and just cause havoc. I'm pretty sure she has been here for months and if she continues I doubt she would ever get out. I was startled back to reality when Florence opened the door and led me to the main doors. Everything was security locked and someone had to come outside with you every time you left for a smoke. I signed my form and she buzzed us outside. The crisp fresh air hit me and I smiled. I just can not wait to leave this dump tomorrow.
The rest of the day dragged until 9pm came and it was time for meds. I lined up behind the only friend I had made. Her name is Skyla, she was tall unlike me, her hair was beautifully blonde and flowed past her shoulders stopping just below her chest. She was much like me which was handy as sitting talking to her about our lives and what led us here made time fly. I never normally talk to people about my feelings but she was different and I think because we had a similar story it made things a little easier. There was point before I had been admitted to the mental hospital I thought it was just me that was completely fucked up, turns out there's a few.
"I'm so happy for you Bella, I really hope I will be able to get out of here soon" Skyla sighed as she was handed her meds. I gave her a slight smile not wanting to say too much or rub it in. It was my turn next, I had my normal dose of 200mg of sertraline and 2 sleeping pills that I couldn't pronounce for the life of me. We all were then taken back to our rooms. The pill taking effect as I climbed into my small bed falling quickly into a deep slumber.
"Arabella, its time for discharge" Kev a short stocky male said opening my door. I jumped up with my bags all ready. I gave the room one last look. Good riddance.
Finally I was free and not being shadowed by a stranger like a child. I returned back to my room. I currently live in a shared house although I normally stay in my room unless I'm drinking with Zayn. Zayn was unbelievably attractive, tall with black tattoos covering his olive skin. I'm sure he must think I'm dead seeing as I haven't been around for 3 weeks. After getting changed into my usual ripped jeans and a vest top I was wondering what to do trying hard not to think of my normal obvious answer. 3 weeks sober and clean from weed. I just couldn't get the horrid and overbearing thoughts to anything but my cravings. Fuck it I thought pulling my door open in a hurry and slamming it closed. I fumbled with my keys trying to look the old wood door.
"Bloody hell love, I thought you had died" I heard a chuckle behind me. I glanced my head to my right to see Zayn walking through the door. "No, lol, I'm still alive and kicking" I lowly laughed.
"Where are you off to in such a hurry, Bella?" Zayn's dark eyes glared at me, the corner of his lip curving up. "Won't lie mate going to the pub, I'm dying for a drink" I paused. "Oh I don't suppose you have something you can tick me till i get home later?" I pleaded with my eyes, my words sound desperate. God I must look like a full on addict but I just didn't care. The last few weeks have been insanely tough. One drink today and I'll try and start fresh again tomorrow. My own brain was smirking at me thinking you say this everyday but still nothing changes till it all gets to much again.
"Sure I'm guessing 30?" He already knew what I wanted. I followed him to his room, the smell of weed hitting my senses as soon as he opened his door. Zayn's room was actually neat and tidy unlike mine. If it didn't smell like an Amsterdam coffee shop you would never know he was a weed dealer. He chucked me a little baggy containing the one smoke I had been dreaming off since being admitted. "Thanks mate" I smiled excitedly. "I'll be at the Black Prince pub if you wanna join at some point" Leaving his room I heard him say he will text me and let me know what he was doing.
I went back to my room deciding to roll a joint for my 10 minute walk to the pub. Before leaving I glanced at myself in the mirror. I sighed as I saw my dark under eyes, my hair was naturally long and wavy a bit messy but it looked better than it did the weeks leading to my breakdown. I wasn't one to wear make up, well not anymore. I used to love dolling myself up until I fell into this deep rut during the first covid lockdown. I've always loved to have a drink but everything deepened when I lost my job, my family and my friends. I shrugged it off and once again walked from my room locking my door.
The walk to the pub was refreshing, the taste of the weed hitting my tongue, throat and lungs was strong but delicious and everything I had been wanting. As it had been 3 weeks without it hit me a little quicker than I had expected but I knew that was bound to happen. I walked into the pub to see a few other regulars who all asked me how I was and a few new faces.
"The normal Arabella?" Asked Jane the barmaid. I nodded and was soon handed a double vodka and coke. "Thanks Jane, can you put it on a tab please" Knowing she said yes I walked to a table and savored the taste of my drink. Here we go again...
A/N I know the first chapter is slow but it will get there. first chapters are always hard.
YOU ARE READING
She Will Be Loved
FanfictionShe's lost in a world of darkness and self hatred. He's a gang member who doesn't care about anyone until she starts to intrigue and captivate him.
