Million Reasons

Chapter 8

"You did your best." Christina gives me a nudge. "I may talk trash about Marshall but he has always been a great dad to the kids and that's the only nice thing that I will ever say about him."

"We could have done better." I rub my lips together. "Aaron he saw so much and I always forget because he acts so normal around us as if he never saw us drugged out. We have always been such a normal family to the world that it's easy to forget everything that went down behind the scenes."

"Are you ever going to tell them about the last miscarriage?" Christina asks me and I shake my head. "You should."

"Don't." I put my hands up to my ears. 

My last pregnancy was when Chase was ten years old but Marshall and I had not shared the news with anyone. It's good that we didn't tell the kids because we ended up miscarrying the child which was our third miscarriage and it was really difficult to process so I told my sister.

I look her in the eyes. "I will never forgive you, if you tell them."

"I won't." A tear rolls down her face and I let out a shaky sigh while looking back down at the screen. 

"God, I need a vodka."

The last miscarriage was our fault and that's why we decided that we would no longer have any more children. We were making attempts to get completely sober after entering a program and I found some cocaine in Marshall's car. I was devastated that he went behind my back but the urges were still there so when he found me, I was preparing the lines on the bathroom counter.

I went to snort it when Marshall smacked my head against against the counter before tackling me to the ground. You would think that I was a zombie because I went completely ape shit on him for wiping it away with a towel and we just started brawling in the bathroom for what felt like hours.

That fight was pretty tame considering that we didn't need any immediate medical attention but it was the most devastating because we lost a child in the process.

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While I'm having a much needed bubble bath, Marshall walks into the bathroom and takes a seat on the stool that has my towel on it. Aaron may not want us having contact with eachother but that's difficult as Marshall and I are linked in so many ways.

"When you get out of the bath, start packing your shit."

"I thought Aaron said we can't talk anymore." Marshall looks at me with sad eyes. "We messed up, M."

"But we have time to make things right and I've booked us all a week long vacation."

I raise a brow at him, "Have you?"

"Yeah, I have." 

"And why would I go anywhere with you?" I ask while biting down on my bottom lip. 

Marshall surprises me by getting down on his knees infront of the tub and he looks at me with pleading eyes. "You're going to give me another chance."

I try not to smile, "Marshall."

"I would like for you to give me another chance and maybe being in another scenery will allow us to date." He lightly caresses my face. "Maybe we'll find ourselves and fall in love again."

"Ok." I nod my head. 

"Yeah?" He searches my eyes as I nod my head repeatedly and he suddenly pulls me in for a very passionate kiss. Marshall lets out a yelp as I pull him into the bath tub and a small laugh leaves my lips as the water overflows.

I give him an innocent smile, "I wanted you to join me."

Marshall shakes his head before he begins stripping and I laugh loudly as he struggles to get his jeans off since they're clinging to his legs. He makes me get out of the tub to help him take them off and the laugh that we share in that moment gives me hope that we can salvage things.

"Do you think we can make it?" Marshall runs a hand over my face as we lay in the tub together with my body over his and I place my hand on his chest. "Or have we run our course?"

"We passed that deadline over a decade ago." I mumble while playing with the little chest hair that he has. "Nobody thought that we would make it this far but we defied all odds. I definitely thought that things would end when we were both addicted to drugs."

Marshall tightens his grip around me, "I'm sorry."

"I know." I kiss his chest. "I know you're sorry and I've told you a million times that we have moved past that."

"Last night wasn't what you thought it was." I look up at his face. "I would never cheat on you despite what you may think of me. The woman was one of the organisers and she was in there to talk me through some shit since I obviously I didn't get you involved... then she kissed me."

A frown forms on my face.

"When you walked in, she had slipped her hand down my trousers and it really wasn't what you thought it was." My heartbreaks knowing that a woman tried to take advantage of him.

"You should have said help." I tell him and he chuckles, "I would have tore her head off."

"I know." Marshall adjusts our position as the water starts coming up to his chest. "Are you ok?"

"Never better."