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ive been going to this therapy centre for about 6 weeks now. my sessions are weekly and i feel as if ive started to trust malik. ive started to open up and i feel as if he is actually there to help and support me, i've started to open up more. he knows all about my past, about kejah, dejaun etc and he doesn't judge me which i really like.
𝙖𝙩 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙘𝙚𝙣𝙩𝙧𝙚 10.53am
i enter the roomm and i am welcomed by the familiar scent of the scented candles masked with maliks cologne. the scent makes me feel relaxed and reminds me that i am in a safe space.
"hello ay'lani how are you" malik asks "im fine thank you" i reply "so have you done anything new this week or anything about to come up" malik says "to be honest i actually really stayed at home most of the week, but im starting at a new job from monday" i reply "thats good , new beginnings are always good and this is a new opportunity to rebuild your life" he adds. i nod.
we continue to talk for about an hour until my session expires.
"ay'lani you need to speak to whoever hurts you or make you feel good and explain that to them and try and de-attach yourself from them to fully have your new beginning created to its full potential" he tries to explain "that even means speaking to kejah" he adds my heart starts thumping at the mention of his name i do still care about him although i havent spoken to him in about 49 days but who's counting. anyways kejah really hurt me by rejecting me knowing how vulnerable i was at the time. but he did help me become a better version of my self by telling me to work on myself. i want to thank him but im still mad at him
"uh i dont think i can do that im sorry" i say as i leave the room.
i leave the centre having every moment that kejah and i spent together plays in my head.
i still take maliks advice though. i go to dejauns grave.
i stay there for about 30 minutes just getting it out, how i felt the moment i met him to the moment i lost him.
after i did that it felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. dejauns death affected me not only emotionally but physically i felt as if i couldn't move so i stayed on my bed for about a week until i decided i had to do smth with myself.
i was afraid i wouldn't have the willpower to stay sober from self harm which was something i did alot in my teen years. ive been sober for about 5 years and i really didnt want to ruin my sobriety as i know that would lead to a downward spiral which would make me feel even worse for my self.
a little filler chapter sorry for being inactive im writing every weekend now i promiseeee like comment and vote i love you all and thanks for the interactions. ive just had abit of writers block and ive been occupied💞
