The Holy And The Halo

Authenticity And Little White Lies

"So what's your story sunshine?"

It was a loaded question really and there were many ways I could go about answering it. I debated opting out, but laying in her arms that night I'd never felt more comfortable. It didn't matter that we had only met just hours ago, I could already tell that she was going to mean a lot to me, more than I could ever comprehend or imagine. So I decided to just be honest.

"Where do you want me to start?"

She turned her attention to me and shrugged. "How about the beginning?"

I nodded and looked skyward. "My full name is Selena Marie Gomez. I was born on July 22, 1992 in Grand Prairie, Texas. My mom had me at sixteen and my biological father left soon after. She did her best to provide for me on her own because she had no help from family members. All I know is that they basically shunned her when they found out she was pregnant. Despite everything she never showed any form of resentment towards me, atleast until she met Brian, my step father. I was around ten when he came into the picture. Everything changed so quickly. He was a preacher and never did care for me much, believing only that I was the result of my mother's sin of not staying abstinent until marriage. Regardless of how he treated me, they wed within months. We grew apart quickly because she began looking at me as if I was a burden and a reminder of a mistake that she made long ago and wanted to forget, like I was nothing more than an unwanted consequence of her actions. Still they tried to mold me into their version of perfect because they weren't able to have any more children. They tried so hard, but to no avail, so I was really their only option. I think my mom viewed raising me correctly in the eyes of the church as redemption or something, but I suppose I ruined that dream the first time I had a crush." I sighed and wiped furiously at the tears threatening to leak from my beneath my eyes. "I was eleven and had just started middle school. There was this girl in my gym class that I was drawn to for some reason. I didn't understand what I was feeling so naturally I went to my mom for help. I mean, we had always told each other everything, so I figured this wouldn't be any different. I couldn't have been more wrong." I paused to take a deep breath before continuing. "Brian overheard and h-he... um... he hit me. This continued for years and my mom never did anything to stop it. Not once. She just let him slowly destroy me. Every blow chipping away at me as if he was attempting to shape me into a holy sculpture. It obviously didn't work." I stated bitterly. "All I ever wanted was for her to make it stop. I'd always scream for her to make it stop but it didn't. It never did. The beatings continued and she acted as if she didn't see the cuts and bruises that tainted my skin. Every night they rained down and every night I pleaded for him to have a little mercy. He would laugh cynically and tell me that 'Our Lord and savior may have mercy on your soul, but I'll be dammed if I do.' There was even a point when I became convinced that I deserved it. I thought that there was something wrong with me." Somewhere in the middle of my rant she had sat up and wrapped me tighter in her embrace, letting me sob into her chest. I pulled away reluctantly after some time, but refused to look up. I left my gaze casted downwards out of a mixture of shame and embaressment.

"I'm sorry." I mumbled. "I-I didn't mean break down like that. I've just never had anyone to talk to about what happened..."

"Hey" she said softly and brought her hand to my face, gently prieing my line of sight from the floor and forcing me to meet her own. "Don't ever be ashamed of what you feel. You were robbed of a proper childhood that was replaced instead with traumatic experiences that no one should ever have to go through. You didn't deserve any of it, not a damn thing, so don't you dare apologize. There is absolutely nothing wrong with who you are. He was in the wrong. Not you." She said firmly leaving no room for discussion. "I'd kill that fucking bastard if it were up to me, but unfortunately it isn't. It will however be up to a judge someday. No way in hell is he going to get away with something like this. I won't allow it." The fury in her eyes and protectiveness in her voice caused a small smile to grace my features.