head over heels | benny rodriguez

| chapter twenty one |

I guess, maybe, probably, Mila was right about this whole situation. Firstly, I am definitely still crushing on Benny Rodriguez, and secondly, I reacted super shitty to the kiss and am a huge asshole. The hard part though is fixing my mistakes.

Waking up bright and early the following day, downing a bowl of cereal, and saying my tragic goodbyes to Mila (though she's visiting in a couple of weeks), I sped home on my bike to find my mother waiting to drive me back to California.

After tossing my bag into the backseat and strapping on my seatbelt, I was awaited seven painful hours in the car doing absolutely nothing. Just me, an awful radio channel, and my mother who is way too focused on the road to talk to her daughter at the same time.

Rummaging through my bag, I found a couple of mixtapes I made last summer, a Rubix cube, two scrunchies, a shitty pencil, and a notepad from school.

Yanking the papers out of my bag, I flipped through the notebook to a fresh, clean page. Though the rumbling and bumps from the road made it quite difficult to write, I began to put all of my thoughts onto the paper, attempting to compose my apology to Benny.

But seconds, led to minutes, that eventually lead to hours, I couldn't find a single way to say it. I know, it sounds bad, but I just couldn't find a way to apologize. Every word I wrote sounded too fickle, or too pushy, or too prissy, to the point where there was a pile of crumple papers folded in my lap, scribbled with several pencil etchings.

I ripped out one last paper from the journal after yet another failed stab. My palms and fingers are raw and itchy, my head practically pounding out of my soul, as my legs ache from sitting for hours.

Slamming the notebook shut out of frustration, I cranked up the music flowing through my walkman, shutting my eyes and dozing off.

-

I woke up to the sound of the engine rumbling off, along with dimmed lights from the passing sunset. Home sweet home.

Stretching my arms out as I rolled my legs off the carseats, I yawned, giving my mom a brief "good morning". I eventually stumbled my way out of the car, unclicking the latch of the trunk and pulling my belongings onto my back.

Though I've only been gone for a week or so, everything felt different. So quiet, and so still, that I could hear every brush and rustle of the trees blowing through the breeze. God, it was only seven PM and the entire neighborhood was out for the night.

Howeever, Mom has to be home early for work, so I can't be dillydalling worrying about the trees. Quickly skipping in through the doorway, I greeted Grandma and Grandpa with huge hugs, making small talk until my mother called it quits and returned to her car for the ride home. 

My grandparents were already set in their silk pajamas, with rollers and eyemasks secured to their heads for the night, and a plate of fries and a burger awaiting me on the kitchen countertop, leaving me alone and at peace. 

The elders eventually shuffled their way into bed after giving me several kisses goodnight, as I snarfed down my food in seconds. I had a plan to pursue tonight.

No - the plan isn't to apologize to Benny yet, as I need at least another twelve hours to grasp my head around everything. I do however, think it's time to confess my emotions to someone, and I couldn't tell anyone besides Smalls of course.

After all, he is one of the closest friends I have here, and even if he's a few years younger than me, I could use his output on the whole ordeal.

It was getting late though, and I know his mom is sorta strict, so I gotta get there asap.