noel miller one shots

production assistant

you're the production assistant for cody and noel's podcast. you and noel have a fling but keep it light. cody is none the wiser.
direct quotes from bonus episode 132
told from your point of view

it's a tuesday like every other.

i'm sat in a plastic chair that had to have been stolen from an old high school. cracks run through the length of it and the blue color has yellowed with age. my bosses refuse to turn on the air conditioning despite it being the middle of june in los angeles.

it's going on hour three of me watching the monitor as two grown men make dick jokes... and they get paid extremely well to do so. my job is to mark when camera three should be the main camera angle for the final cut.

"let's just say we're equipped to give those tips," cody reassured.

"we're definitely equipped to give those tips...."
i knew that look on his face all too well. noel was trying to think of a joke before the moment passed. as if performing a well rehearsed routine, cody waits for noel's punchline to inevitably come.

"come fit these tips in your mouth."

"yeah," cody said in agreement as he applauded the seventh grade level joke.

"do you speak suegondeez by chance?" cody quipped. his joke already had its punchline. unfortunately, every single person in the room saw it coming.

"no." noel avoided the trap entirely. "do you know how to say gloves in spanish?"

cody thought about it for a beat and then replied "no."

"want dis dick in your mouth..." quietly came the answer from noel in a spanish accent. to this day i don't know if that perfect spanish imitation accent comes from his childhood or not.

cody laughed at noel's stupid joke.

"alright," noel started saying, wanting to move into the episode's closing remarks.

"k let's turn on amber heard and johnny depp trial" cody eagerly requested. he wouldn't shut up about wanting to watch it during the three hours of filming today.

"...please," noel said with an edge of sarcasm- followed by "fuck" when the livestream of the courtroom appeared on the monitors.

cody genuinely became engulfed in the trial silently playing on the monitors and twitter on his iphone. noel sank into his armchair looking bored out of his mind.

"...aaand cut!" called luke. he oversaw the whole production.

finally, it was almost time for my break. the cool breeze outside was calling my name, but it would have to wait for a little bit longer. because of my job as production assistant, i was pretty much the first one in and the last one out every day.

snap back to reality - i'm reminded to fix the stack of books on the center table on set. cody had been nudging the pile and had messed it up and knocked over all of the hex bugs that were lined up along the books.

i sighed and stood to go tend to the table's display. as i walked on set, i noticed that both of the guys were completely absorbed in their phones. i turned around to find the crew packing up the lights and microphones.

just as i started straightening the books, i felt an attempt at a subtle kick to my ankles. i looked up to find noel stretching and reaching to kick me while still in his chair.

i rolled my eyes. "childish." i muttered under my breath, just loud enough for him to hear.

noel scoffed and went back to sitting normally.

he really had some balls to pull that shit in front of cody and the entire crew. no one knows that he drives me home after work and - somehow - no one noticed that i wore his jacket to set last week.

i resumed my task of fixing the table. after a good sixty seconds, a catcall type of long whistle could be heard.
you know the one.

i stood up and turned to give that needy man my full attention. "really?" i deadpanned displaying no emotion.

"yes really." noel sassed back. if he wanted to play this game, i could play this game.

"did you just fucking catcall me in my place of work?" i challenged him.

"what? dude it wasn't like that!" noel insisted. he couldn't tell if i was joking or not, so i took the joke and ran with it.

"no. actually i think you just did. that makes you a predator. i think i legally have to report you to HR." i said all of this loud enough that if cody wanted to eavesdrop, he could.

"we literally don't have HR. so go ahead" noel told me with a smirk. that meant game on.

i marched over to cody. "excuse me. they you were our HR representative." i said to him while gesturing to the crew. "this man here is harassing his female coworkers and is a known predator." i told cody this while pointing at noel.

noel's amused smile and the absurdity of my outburst clued cody in to the joke. "oh! ma'am, i'm so glad you came to me. you did the right thing."

"what are you going to do? arrest me?" noel asked. he had that look on his face that told me that he was up to something.

completely unaware, cody kept the bit going. "it sounds like i have no other choice. noel miller, you are under arrest for harassment and conspiracy to assault."

noel was barely containing his laughter at the joke that was clearly about to unfold.
"..but officer dinklebob... i didn't mean to... i'm just.. i'm just so hot i can't control myself..." a high pitched noel said.

cody laughed- now understanding where this bit was going.
"oh.. oh my... is that so? .. well i guess- maybe we could arrange-"

noel interrupted him speaking in his normal voice. "hahahaha bye bitch!" he then proceeded to make car revving and screeching noises while holding a pretend steering wheel.

there really was never a dull moment with these two. that was one of my favorite parts of the job.

once our laughter dissolved, i resumed straightening the books and the boys began gathering their belongings.

i was going to be on set for a bit, but noel was ready to go. he caught my eye and tilted his head in the direction of the starbucks in the lobby. i smiled and nodded. without speaking, we had just arranged our secret departure.

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i can definitely continue this but i didn't want this to get too long.

let me know if you want more noel interaction.

thanksss