never mine// tyler joseph

chapter eighteen

tyler was a bunch of nerves, sitting there as he waited for val to say something in reply after his confession. she stared back at him with her mouth slightly open, as if she were trying to speak, but couldn't find the right words.

"i was way too scared to tell you before," tyler decided to say to stop the silence. "and then when you got oliver... i just couldn't."

"how long?" was all that she asked.

"a long time," tyler replied, too scared to be specific.

"how long is a long time?" she asked again.

tyler couldn't understand her emotions at the moment. he wasn't sure if she was confused or angry or both. he didn't want her to be mad at him. he wanted her reassurance that this was okay. that he wasn't crazy for keeping his mouth shut about this for so many years. but based on the look of betrayal on her face, he knew it wasn't going to be so easy.

"since we were eighteen," he responded quietly. he chewed on his lip nervously as he waited for some type of reaction.

"that's... really long," she breathed, looking up at tyler. her eyebrows were raised and her green eyes were widened, making it clear that she was slightly shocked. "and you never said anything?"

"how could i?" tyler defended himself. "how could i just tell you that when you have a boyfriend?"

"that probably would've been the perfect time to tell me," she snapped. "because now everything is so much more confusing."

"what's so confusing?"

"because i defended you! because i told oliver that he was wrong when all along, he had been right," she replied, raising her voice.

"it doesn't matter if he was right, because you didn't know any better."

"that's why you should've told me," she stated. with that, she stood up from the couch and started heading towards the front door.

"hey, where are you going?" tyler asked, standing up after her.

"i'm leaving. i just don't think this is a good conversation to have right now."

"why? you don't wanna talk about how i feel?"

she turned around, and tyler could already tell that she was trying to hold back more tears.

"i just don't know how you could keep that from me for so long," she told him. and then the tears started flowing again, so she rubbed her eyes with her hands. she turned back around, and just as her hand touched the door knob, tyler's voice calling her name made her freeze.

"valerie. don't leave." the sound of her full name forced her to face tyler. nobody ever called her that, not even tyler himself, and he knew it. but he was frustrated. he needed to catch her attention. he needed to stop her from leaving when he had been waiting to talk to her about this for years. "come sit back down. talk to me."

she obliged, and now the both of them were sitting back down on the couch beside each other.

"i'm sorry i didn't tell you sooner," tyler told her. "but i had always been so afraid. i know it sounds dumb but i loved you so much that i would have rather not known how you felt at all than to be rejected by you," he explained, surprising himself by admitting that he loved her.

she was quiet for a few seconds before she spoke. "even when i told you about oliver, you told me to go for it. to be with him."

"if you liked him, there was no way i would've wanted to stop you from being with him."

"i'm sorry i overreacted. it's just a lot to take in right now. but i know that you're right. that it's not my fault and that even if you did like me, oliver had no reason to be so jealous." she took a deep breath, looking up at the boy who was so scared yet so relieved to finally reveal how he felt. "and tyler?" she called.

"yeah?"

"i may have not felt the same as you for all those years like you did for me. but right now, i do," she said.

butterflies. butterflies full of nerves and anxiety and happiness and hope flooded his body, and he wasn't sure how to react. in that moment, he knew that it was worth it. the waiting. the pining. the longing. the hopelessness. it had all been worth it because now she was right here, admitting that she loved him too. he would've waited a million times over and over again if he knew that it would lead to this.

what was he supposed to say now? he had never planned for this moment, never really thought about what he would do if she liked him back. he decided to just be honest. to just say whatever came to his mind, because it didn't matter if he sounded stupid or messed up. she felt the same, and that was enough.

"really?" he managed to ask, his voice shaking ever so slightly and his face heating up as he spoke. he was usually never nervous around val. despite his feelings for her, he had always been able to act how he wanted without fearing what she'd think of him. but now that she had admitted her feelings, he was beyond excited, and therefore extremely nervous.

"yeah," she replied. "really."

he thought about what this could mean. obviously, right now, he knew that he couldn't ask her out. she had just broken up with oliver, and she would need some time to deal with that. she had been with him for years, after all. but afterwards, when she was ready, tyler knew that he would take her on a date. he'd surprise her with many romantic gestures and hold her close and whisper loving words and compliment her and kiss her and be the boyfriend that she had always deserved. but for right now, he was just going to be her best friend and comfort her.

"you have no idea how happy i am to hear that," he told her, his lips forming into a small smile. "but i want to know how you're doing now. after oliver."

"i'm feeling a little better, now that i've talked to you," she said, still sniffling from all the tears she had cried earlier. "it's just weird that we aren't together anymore," she explained.

"that makes sense," tyler replied. "i'm sure it would feel weird for anybody."

"i just think that i need some time. i know that we've... admitted some things to each other, but i don't think i'm ready for another relationship so quickly after this," she told him, causing him to lightly chuckle.

"of course i know that. i wouldn't ask you out right after a break up," he joked, looking over at her with a playful smile.

"hey, you never know. you've liked me for so long, maybe you just can't wait," she teased.

"that's fair," tyler laughed, leaning back on the couch. val did the same, staying close enough to tyler that their shoulders brushed. "by the way, did you ever notice?" he asked curiously.

"notice what? that you liked me?" she asked, to which he nodded. "i don't think so. i just never really thought that it was possible."

"even though it was so obvious?"

"was it?" she asked with furrowed eyebrows.

"yes! everybody knew except for you," he pointed out.

"well, i guess i was a little clueless," she said with a shrug.

it was almost hard for tyler to believe that after all of this time fearing her potential rejection, they were now laughing about this together and making jokes. it all lifted a giant weight off of his shoulders.

as her stared at her, he just couldn't help but think about how beautiful she was, how much he wanted to hold her face and kiss her and touch her arms and hug her against him tightly. the idea of being able to do all of those things was mind blowing, yet somehow, still real.