Finding Out: Part 1

diary's and ghosts

‘well I am not going to try and kill you anymore now I know that you’re innocent’

‘okay, but I don’t want you to go’

‘why not? I tortured you!’

‘because… I don’t know. I have no one to talk with. I’m in an all boys boarding school, I have to pretend to be a boy and that is pretty hard you know? and the most important thing of all, I am turning into a bitch!’

‘you are not’ ‘yes I am, I say bad words, I am shortening my sentences and I am angry a lot’

‘so, you had a rough life, so it’s totally normal to have outbursts sometimes’

‘but it’s not sometime, it’s constantly, it’s making me crazy’

‘don’t worry, you’ll be alright, you are just protecting yourself from getting hurt even more.’

‘how would you know that I'm going to be alright?’

‘because I’ll make sure of it'

'but you just said...'

'I am going to propose something okay?’ she interrupted me, but I still nodded

‘okay, I will stay here with you to help you through this and you won’t flirt with me again’ she ended with a laugh

‘I wasn’t flirting with you!’ it felt like my cheeks were on fire, they were burning hot.

‘and I am not a lesbian, so I wouldn’t hit on you’ I said to her and she laughed again

‘you know what’s weird?’ I asked her when she was finished with laughing, she shook her head

‘no, tell me’

‘well, there a two things that are weird, well actually more things, but I am just going to point these two things out. One, I said two, no three days ago that I was not gay, and now I am saying that I am not a lesbian, and I don’t have anything against them. And I like boys, but when I am Evan I should be liking girls even though I am pretending to be a guy, so that makes me a lesbian, technically. And you have the same thing here, I like guys like I said and when I am Evan I still like guys so that technically makes me gay.’ I said and Angelina looked at me confused

‘okay, I know that was really confusing so I am going to say it again, but easier this time. I like guys, but when I am Evan I still like guys, so that technically makes me gay. Did you understand that?’ I asked her and she nodded

‘okay, and if I am pretending to be a boy I have to like girls but I am still a girl so that makes me a lesbian, so I am bi and a transsexual.’ I had a frown on my face and Angelina laughed at me

‘you are not bi, not trans, not gay and not lesbian okay. you like guys and guys only right?’ I nodded

‘and you are just pretending to be a guy, that doesn’t make you a guy and it doesn’t make you gay’ I nodded again

‘and you’re obligated to like girls when you are pretending to be Evan, but you don’t so you aren’t a lesbian either.’ I nodded again

‘and what was the second thing you wanted to point out?’ she asked me

‘well, you were friends with me first and then you died and tried to kill me every chance you had and now we are friends again. We are, right?’

‘yes we are and I’m sorry for trying to kill you, I didn’t know the truth then.’

‘it’s okay, you. are. forgiven!’ I said over exaggerated and she started laughing and I joined her this time.

There was a knock on the door and I stopped laughing immediately and I put my finger on my mouth indicating that Angelina shouldn’t talk.