Warning: mention of self harm, marked with: ⚠️ pls take care of yourself, I love you <3
information: Steve has (had) a sister and his mother was still alive when he went under ice
Steve's PoV:
I'm all alone. Alone. Alone. Alone. Nobody is here. Nobody. Nobody. Nobody. I'm all by myself on this day, Day. Day. Day.
I slouch down on my bed and burry my face in my hands, knees tucked close up to my chest.
Today's the day my mom and sister died. Nobody knows about this. Well... Buck knows but he's on a mission. He left after apologising thousand of times. But he still left. Not that I accuse him or something. I just... really need him... I can count myself as lucky as I don't have a mission. I can't keep my emotions under control on such a day. Without a mission I can just bawl my eyes out in my darkened room. I'm such a baby.
But of course... not ONE day I can have without somebody disturbing me. Natasha waltzes in my room with a cheery smile and opens the blinds: "Rise and shine, sleepy head." I would normally appreciate her effort but today... "Get the fuck out of my room." She just looks at me shocked. I send a little "please" after the last harsh sentence. She scoffs and says: "Just because Bucky's away you don't need to insult everybody." Now I fully shout: "Get. Out!" She leaves my room with a annoyed expression. As soon as the door closes I let out a muffled sob and shut the blinds again. NOT EVEN ONE FUCKING DAY. All I ask for is some time alone or with Buck. Is that to much to ask for?
I feel the anger boil up inside me. No no no. Do not lose control. Why? Why? Why me? I couldn't even attend to their funeral. And guess why? I was busy playing "Capsicle". It doesn't help that Tony teases me every time he sees me. The only reason behind me hating the nickname is that it's a reminder that I am a useless little pice of shit who couldn't even attend to their loved ones funeral. I shout out loud in frustration. I can't just sit here. I feel myself getting angrier with every second of me being useless. I grab a glass from the nightstand and throw it against the wall. The tears brim in my eyes as I start trashing around my room, ripping my pillows apart, smashing holes into the wall and so on.
Why me? Why? Why? Why? Why couldn't I even say goodbye to them? I just went under the ice and left my family alone. Without money or anything. Nothing. How did they even survive?
Tony's PoV:
The party's great but I miss a certain soldier. He doesn't like parties but to make us happy he still attends to all of them. So where is he? I know he's not in a great mood because when Natasha tried to wake him up this morning she came back fuming. But let's try anyways. Not a problem that could not be solved with alcohol, right?
As I start to get upstairs I hear somebody trashing around. Tipsily I walk towards the noise. Hmmm... It's coming from Steve's room. What is he doing in there? Is he doing....the nasty...? I giggle to myself. As if. He's totally in love with Buck.
He just doesn't show any emotions towards us. And he never shows love to anyone except Bucky. He is strong. Never shed a tear. Or not that I know of. He could also be interpreted as cold. But I don't think so. He has a strong character and doesn't like people worrying about him. He hates when somebody needs to take care of him.
But when I knock on the door, afraid of what's going on inside, I hear silent sniffles, then some shuffling. I hear a muffled "Just a second" and then the water running. As soon as the water silences down, steps near the door and Steve opens the door, the room behind him pitch black. I can barely make out his features, only that his normally steel blue eyes seem a little foggy. "Come on Steve, everybody is waiting for you." He answers with a simple "no". "Why not? Don't be boring Capsicle!" I hear is breathing hitch and and a door was being slammed in my face.
I just stand there dumbfounded. What happened to the usually polite Steve? And why did he react so harsh to my last sentence. Even in my tipsy state of being I can sense that something's wrong. „Hey Steve. Open the door please? It wasn't my intention to insult you or anything. Come on. Please I can sense that something's wrong." All I hear is: „Please go away and leave me alone."
