The Heretics

36: The Past

I continued to shake my head. "You have no idea what you did to her."

Xenon closed his eyes and suddenly the atmosphere around us began to vibrate with magic, pulsating in my ears. It only lasted for a split second until it faded and disintegrated. As Xenon looked up, suddenly his eyes were not glazed over with a film of white, but rather a vibrant green that was freckled with brown spots.

"What, you're not blind?" I breathed, shock lining my voice. This is unbelievable!

"I am on the Sermin, Catherine, for leaving Polla'Nisia and running away to Everett Valley with your mother when she fell pregnant. I needed to disguise myself in a matter that I would be unrecognizable," he explained, his eyes taking in every bit of me, seeing me for the first time.

"You look so much like your mother," he commented, and I felt conflicted whether or not to take that as a compliment or an insult. I always thought she'd been a beautiful woman, but everything she'd done to me made her the ugliest being I knew. "Except your hair. You get your hair colour from your aunt, my sister."

My heart hammered against my chest, burning with a curiosity that flared up instantly. I wanted to know more. More about him, about my family. About my mother. Finally, for the first time in my life, there was hope to find out more about everything that had happened.

Something inside of me irked away however, angry and hurt that he'd allowed for everything that I had been forced to endure. The pain that mother had caused me. The scars she inflicted that would never go away.

What would win? My curiosity or my grief for a family that I never even knew? A version of me that wasn't allowed to exist? An unbroken version of me?

"You've finally learned complete control," Xenon said, referring to the successful use of my gift, even if it had caused his facade to peel off and what remained was an unfamiliar face with a familiar name.

"I am very proud of who you've become. You're very strong."

I laughed at that, though it was hollow and humorless. "Suddenly because you know who I am you're a completely different person? You were an ass to me ever since we met. Now you're proud?"

Xenon shook his head, his eyes not leaving mine, pinning me in place with an involuntary hold that made my body completely still. Even if I'd wanted to, my body wouldn't have let me stand up and leave.

"This is the first time in twenty years that I have let a part of me shine through that isn't broken. Who you've met is the version of me that has lost touch with life. I am hard on my students because life is harder. Even knowing you are my daughter I would not have trained you any differently. I know I can be harsh, but it is the only method that truly helps because it strengthens. You don't need to like me in order to learn from me."

"You threw rocks at me. What was the point of that but to hurt me? Literally?"

"To teach you not to rely on your senses but your gut. That is not the question you want to ask me, though, is it?"

I tried to continue breathing, though everything felt heavy. "No, it isn't," I admitted. "Why didn't you tell me sooner who you were?"

"I didn't know who you were. I didn't care to know your name because I was instructed to train Kar Reagan's promised. I did not question anything else."

Words eluded me.

His reasoning made sense. But maybe that too wasn't the real question that I wanted an answer to.

"Why did you leave us?" I asked, dread rising inside of me.

Did I really want to know the answer to that?

Xenon fell silent and seemed to think. The silence that stretched out between us gave room for me to sort out my thoughts, organize them.

Feiran was Xenon and the old gruff wasn't blind. He was my father, who'd left my family in ruins when he left, shortly before Emmet's birth. According to the Thrakos men and now confirmed by Xenon himself, his name was on a list called the Sermin. As far as I knew, being on that list meant being a traitor to their kind. The dragons.

And that thought made my insides run cold. No, I wasn't ready to voice that question, though it swam before my mind in an icy chill that I instinctively wanted to push away. Reminding myself that I didn't want to take a step back but rather a step forward, I let it run its course, albeit it made me feel uncomfortable.

Another push of Reagan's warmth went through me, and I touched his mind without really thinking anything.

Thank you, Kinai. I appreciate your influence, I thought, and Reagan's reply came instantly.

Are you alright? What's going on?

I'm okay, I'll explain later. I'm safe, I assured him and felt a soothing stream of affection pass between us, our physical distance irrelevant.

I'll be there in two minutes if I feel you're in danger, he said, his voice stern and hard. As his deep voice sounded in my mind, a slither of his emotions passed through with it. He was on edge, a little agitated and stressed out.

Have you been finding ways to help our cause, so we're prepared in two weeks?

A feeling of heaviness invaded me, and I had my answer before he gave me one verbally. Not enough, he said simply, and I transferred some positivity into him.

We'll survive this, I said, convinced that all of us would manage anything thrown at us. Now that I had my gift under control, I already knew what I would do to play my part. All I needed to do was involve Emmet and Reece.

How do you know?

A small smile spread on my face. Because I have faith that you did find what you were looking for in Everett Valley.