Purity- a Salvis story (completed)

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I had to look pathetic. On the floor of our chapel shirtless, bleeding, and shriveled up in the fetal position on my right side, trying to stop the tears with my father staring down at me. There wasn't an aspect of my body that wasn't screaming in pain, my left hip being the worst of it. Dad's words as he pressed the hot iron into my hip just minutes before kept bouncing around in my skull: "Imagine what this'll feel like for an eternity."

I stifled another sob. I could feel blood trickling down my side but I didn't dare move. I couldn't fathom the pain of something touching the singed skin.

Dad suddenly took a hold of my arm, forcing my to my feet. I stumbled and caught myself against the wall.

Father huffed and smoothed back his wildly out of place hair. He looked obviously exhausted from landing blows, either with his fists or his belt. He turned, looking me in the eyes.

"You know I had to do that, son. You need to learn."

Here we go. I hated this. This was the worst part of any beating from my father. I don't know how his words managed to be worse than the burns.

"Son?"

I gritted my teeth. It was better to just go along until he stoped talking.

"Yes sir. I know. "

"Good. You're too good of a kid to go down this road."

Shut up.

"Yes, sir. I'll do better."

"Yes. You will. ... And Travis... I love you, son."

Shut up.

"I love you, too, dad."

"..."

"..."

"And?"

Oh, fuck you.

"And thank you."

"You're welcome. Now go get yourself cleaned up. You're starting at that new school tomorrow."

I knew better than to trust his words. It was a test. He nodded.

"Your excused."

I was out the door as soon as the sentence left his mouth.

I felt hot tears burning the backs of my eyes as I walked away. Shame boiled within me.

I was so fucking weak. Agnes deserved a better brother. Someone strong. Not a weak, skinny, frail retard who can't even fight back. And dad... as much as I hated to admit it dad deserved a better son. Even if he goes too far  he does this because he loves me and he doesn't want to see me go astray. He tells me all the time.

So why do I still have to feel like this? Why do I find myself pleading with the lord to just let me die? To just let the pain end?

And I'm so tired.

And I miss mom so much.

And I just want it to end.

So. Fucking. Bad.

I shake the words away from my head. I can't think that way. She needs me.

I made my way to the upstairs bathroom door, grabbing a towel to soak up the blood from my hip before knocking. I had barely made contact with the door before it swung open.

"Hey, kidd- oof!"

In seconds, Aggie was wrapping me in a bear hug, luckily missing the wound on my hip. Her hiccuping sobs sounded through the hallway.

"Woah, hey, I'm ok," I said, placing my hand on her hair like mom use to do to me when I was her age, "Everything is gonna be ok."

"I- I- th-ought y-ou wer-e de-ad!" She gasped between sobs. "You stoped scr-eaming really fa-st a-nd I though-t you were de-ad!"

Shit. I must of passed out or something. That had to be so scary for her. I know it was for me with mom.

All I could do was just let her cry into my chest. I just wanted it to be ok for her. I just wanted better for her.

"Hey, shhh," I whispered, running my palm gently over her hair, "Ok, I know! How about I get cleaned up and then we have a sleepover tonight? How does that sound?"

She smiled up at me, though I could still see the sadness in her eyes.

"Yes, please!" She said, wiping tears from her eyes.

"Alright, go get in your PJs and get in bed and I'll be right there, ok?"

She nodded. I watched her turn down the hallway and into her room to change. I let my smile fall as soon as she was out of sight.

In the bathroom, I found the 1st aid kit under the cabinet and got to work. The burn cream hurt like hell, but having a bandage over my whole side was worse. I didn't even dress the welts on my back from dads belt. All The blood had dried hours ago, the only thing I could really do was wash them off.

By the time I got back in my room it was dark. I didn't dare turn the lights on. I knew Aggie was probably fast asleep.

I pulled some shorts an a t shirt and collapsed into bed next to my little sister, who, as suspected, was snoring in her little mermaid night gown. I smiled to myself. I was so lucky to have her.

I decided not to pray that night. I think God could deal with one day.

If he can abandon me I can do it right back.

I cursed myself for thinking like that. On second thought maybe that prayer was a good idea.

I quickly got up and grabbed my rosary off it's hook on the wall, returning to bed in an instant.

"Night, kiddo." I whispered lightly.

Then, I started my evening prayers.

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