Adrenaline

31 | it started out with a kiss

        It shouldn't be surprising to hear when he confesses what happened at Maver's house the few nights he stayed over there with Lauren.

        Who knew telling him I kissed Brendon was going to lead to him admitting he and Lauren have kissed? Not me.

        Part of me wants to jump with joy but as far as I'm aware, Lauren and Maver are still together, which makes this very messy. Even if I don't have a high opinion of Maver , I rather her end it before starting anything with Jun. It isn't fair to either party, least of all her, to act otherwise.

        "Wow."

        Though my words echo his from earlier, they ring less enthusiastic, and Jun takes note of the difference.

        "Sorry, I also wasn't expecting that." I hesitate a beat, picking apart the questions he asked me. "So, who initiated it?"

        He winces at the familiar line. "She kind of leaned in first and then...well..."

       "Gotcha."

        For the next five minutes, Jun runs through every equally chaotic thought on permanent rotation in his head, but much more delicately than I'm able to explain. From the awkward stillness of entering the house on the first day, to the kiss that went on longer than it should have, and then to the next morning when Lauren pretended like it never happened.

        Part of me wants to not care. It's not like it matters to me if Maver's heart gets broken, as cruel as that sounds. It's impressive to believe he has one in the first place. But threatening him over hurting her when she's going behind his back like this, in his home no less, makes it difficult to hold my convictions.

        "Jun," I stop him at some point.

        He pauses, staring at me. "What?"

        I take a deep breath. "You need to talk to her. A real talk. Because this is going too far now."

        "Too far."

        "I'm serious. She can't kiss you when she's still with him and act like that. It's not fair."

        "She's confused."

        It takes a lot of effort on my part not to grab him by the ears and scream. My best friend knows better than this. If the roles were reversed, it wouldn't be a question in his eyes. Seeing the situation through love-tinted glasses hinders the logic of his perception.

        "Being confused doesn't give her the right to pull you around like that."

Every time he stares at me, all puppy eyes and misguided thoughts, it upsets me more.

        There's a deliberate effort on his part to not cast her in a bad light. And, well, it's Lauren. Getting mad at her is difficult, and staying mad is even harder. But there's only so far a justification can go, and I'm bound to take sides.

        "You wouldn't understand—" he begins to say.

        "That's dismissive as hell."

        "Didn't you tell me you kissed two people this weekend?"

        Irritation bubbles inside of me. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

        "Just seems unfair you're judging her so harshly when you're more or less doing the same thing."

        "I'm not judging her harshly. Asking her to make things right is reasonable. And I'm not in a committed relationship so whether I kiss two people or twenty doesn't matter, especially because I told Brendon about Moxie and me."

        His shoulders hunch over as he slouches into his seat. It's not like he can walk off into another room, so he has to settle for using whatever means necessary to hide.

        "I can't push her to do something she isn't ready for."

        "That's fine if she's not ready to break up with him. But that means she isn't ready to be with you. And that means defining reasonable boundaries to safeguard your peace."

        He might not want to hear this, but it's important, and the longer he goes without laying down these ground rules, the further down the rabbit hole he'll fall. Seeing the wreckage of a Lauren-Maver-Jun implosion isn't something any of us are looking forward to.

        When I reach my hand over the armrest and attempt to hold his, he pulls away as if he's just trying to adjust his seat to lie down, but we know each other to pretend like we can't see through these small actions.

        "You told me about it, remember?"

        "I expected a little more support."

        "How am I not being supportive? Because I'm not saying yeah, keep making out with someone in a relationship?"

         He doesn't respond.

        "Fine," I grunt, turning away from him. "Sulk if you want. It's not going to save you when you're the one that gets your heart broken."

          Jun opens his mouth but stops himself. Although it would be preferable to be able to gush over this news, his situation is different, and I'm not going to be labeled as the bad guy for pointing out the faults in it.

        When the flight attendant walks by, I wave them down.

        "Could I get a glass of wine, please? A big one. Thank you."

        Jun rolls his eyes.