Adrenaline

31 | it started out with a kiss

        "See, this thing?" Jun waves his finger around, pointing at the whimsical hangover from a long-awaited kiss. "All of this means something. Something good." His words are light and delicate in a way they can only sound coming from him. "Maybe it's time you admit you like him."

        The truth is weaved into his words in a way even I can't ignore. "Yeah. Yeah, I do."

        "So why do you look like you're being made to walk the plank?"

        It's important to understand none of this internal conflict has anything to do with Brendon. He's pure and bright and the kind of supportive I need. Jetting around the globe to watch him race across my vision in a flash of blurred lines and burning rubber is something I look forward to. I picture myself at countless races in the future cheering him on, hopefully toward his goal of winning a championship.

        "You're going to think it's silly."

        "Let me be the judge of that."

        "I do like him. A lot. But relationships are hard, especially with our careers, and I don't want to commit to something I can't be sure I'll be able to even do." I place my head in my hands. "Things are going to get busier with the band and I would hate to try something and it not work out."

        "What did Bash say?"

        "Nothing. Except that we have time."

        "It sounds like he understands. I don't think Brendon is the type of guy that would force you into something you're not sure you're ready for yet."

        "Does it make me a bad person for leading him on?"

        His brows furrow together in frustration. "You're not a bad person because you're not ready to jump into a relationship. Just liking someone isn't enough of a foundation for something stable, and Bash knows that. He's spent however many years constantly on the road and knows the toll it takes on an individual, let alone someone in a relationship. And even if Bash is ready for something—not that I'm saying he is, I don't know—doesn't mean you also have to be."

        My brain does this silly thing where it goes into overdrive over this F1 driver weaseling his way into a part of my heart I wasn't sure even exists anymore. Overthinking and over-feeling every spark trampling through my thoughts. Turning something that should be simple into the most complex, unsolvable equation known to man.

        Jun smoothes out the frustrated lines on my forehead. "Don't overthink it. Things will happen when they're meant to."

        "I'm genuinely going to be a toad the next time I see him," I admit. "How am I supposed to pretend like we're just friends."

        "Obviously you don't," Jun deadpans. "Didn't you hang out with him the next day? While Moxie was there?"

        "Yes, but we were still in Monaco. Next time we won't have that to carry us."

        "I think you'll figure it out when the time comes."

        Deciding there are too many unexplainable nuances, I resign to attempt a nap once again, though I don't doubt this go at it will render useless. Maybe risking a sore stomach is worth a glass of wine (or two).

        Before I slide my headphones on, Jun taps his hand against the armrest separating us.

       "I have something to tell you, too."

        "Okay."

        Jun is the kind of person that makes any room feel as vast and wondrous as standing on an open shore. When he's caving in on himself, it's equally felt.