Onika's Anatomy

Confessions I

I kissed my teeth. "Kelly unlock this damn door before I break it."

"Wait before you go...When can we catch up B? I haven't talked to you in forever and Titan's been asking for his auntie."

"I send Titan gifts, lots of gifts..."

"B...It's not the same."

I sighed. "I know—I'm free Monday after court we can get dinner?"

"Alright—don't bail on me B."

"Man whatever- unlock this door PLEASE!"

As quick as those locks switched—was as quick I was out Kelly's car. I used a code to enter the back the door. As soon as I walked inside, I could hear the twins in the living room singing along to something on the television. As much as I wanted to see my babies, I needed to take a shower and tame my hair.

I disappeared into one of the rooms in the guesthouse heading straight to the shower. I stripped out of everything, placing my dead cellphone on the counter. I stepped in the shower adjusting the temperature, allowing the hot water to seep into my skin.

I felt dirty---but this feeling I could not wash away. My soul was overloaded with guilt, not from Cardi, not from Lance but from Onika. The only woman whoever loved me despite my fucked-up ways. But this time I took it to far, I allowed my jealousy and anger to take me to a place I did not want to go back too.

Did I know that deep down inside she didn't fuck that nigga? —yes.

Did I still beat her ass? —yes.

Because even the thought of anyone touching her aside from me made me snap because she knew better. She knew I was crazy about her; she knew she had that hold on me—then she embarrassed me like that.

I did give myself wrong for not mentioning the fact that I have kids. But no one I fucked with knew that. My kids are my world and protecting them at all costs was my number one priority. I knew I had some good dick along with commitment issues—that alone would make a bitch do some crazy shit.

Don't get me wrong I wanted to tell Onika's about the three major pieces of my heart, but I had to earn her trust first. Onika was young, immature and thinks sporadically—I knew she would never harm my kids, but I had to trust her first.

It was never my intention to fall in love with her, from the first day I landed eyes on her I knew she would be a fun fuck and that was it. But then the tables flipped, I could not get her off my mind. She would invade my thoughts in the middle of my operations, meetings, or any time of day for that matter. At first, I thought I was pussy whipped, so I started messing around with other women and Cardi even heavier.

But none of them could fill the void that Onika could —it was something about that was so infectious to me. I could not tell if it was her spicy attitude, her beauty or brains but she was definelty the full package—and I did not want her to know that. But then he came along and started to show her that, then something in her changed. She became more aware of herself and started calling me out on things—threatening to leave me. And I couldn't let that happened, I had fallen for her—and I had fallen hard.

Losing Onika was not an option—hence her first pregnancy. But yet again she still kept in contact with that clown ass nigga after I told her not too. So, he got dealt with- temporarily at the time at least. Even after I went away to seek help—I still couldn't stay away from her. A week later I was back in New York following her around. For one she was carrying my child—and talking crazy about making harsh decisions about the pregnancy. Then one night I watched him pick her up with roses in hand, I followed them both to his place. My heart ache watching them interact—my heart broke even more watching him kiss her—watching his hands fondle around her waist—watching him rub on her stomach like a proud dad as she slept the entire night in his arms. I could have killed him that night... I could have killed them both—but she was carrying my child. Then it occurred to me—I was losing myself, was I really going to put myself in a predicament to lose my kids, my license, my life over a woman who claimed she loved me?