[INDEF. HIATUS] Regrets and Wishes: One More Chance

Chapter 21 - Secret

He expressed his apology and finally stated his reason why he did it. It turned out, every ridiculous, outrageous thing he had said was only to get me admitting everything I really wanted.

At that moment, I realized what I had just done to Master. I realized what kind of horrible things had I shown him.

...

Ah, Master....

You have been so kind to and caring about me. You have given me so much happiness and a whole new meaning for my existence.

"I...I am...sorry...Master...." I tried so hard to open my mouth and let out everything I wanted to say.

And yet, why did I instead return all of your kindness and care with something like this?

"I had grown greedy...for Master's attention...."

Is it because of your immense attention that I am afraid to lose? Even though I should have known that it would never happen?

Have you been giving me too much of it that I have begun to grow too greedy? That I unconsciously think that only I myself am allowed to receive all of your attention and that other girls do not deserve even the tiniest bit of it? Even though I have known that many of them have also been a great help, without which you might not be able to fulfil your purposes?

"I had unknowingly let myself get controlled by my own feelings—"

Blinded by my own greediness and jealousy, I had unknowingly let my own feelings take control over myself.

"—to the point that I dared...to audaciously raise my tone—"

I was so out of control; without any hints of fear...I raised my tone against you—

"—and commit violence against Master...."

—and even physically threatened you with such a violence.

"I have committed such disgraceful acts—"

And now, what was done couldn't be undone. I had done such horrible acts to you—

"—against the one...to whom I should have shown my respect the most."

—who are the one person...to whom I was supposed to give my deepest respect.

The tears could not be stopped. As I kept blaming and questioning myself, they kept coming out of my eyes, blurring my sight.

Master placed his hands on my hips and moved me onto the top of his thighs. Then, he sat up, causing us to face one another so closely, while I was being on his lap. "It's okay, Ciel," he said.

Huh?

Master wrapped his hands around my back, taking me into his hug and bringing my head onto his chest. "It's okay, even if you're being greedy."

So, after all I have done, you are still perfectly fine with me?

"Because I, too, have made you go through all of this just to satisfy my selfishness. It's nothing strange at all if you have things that you want to do and things that you want to have. After I had practically lost all of my companions that day, Ciel, you were the only one I could rely on. I asked you to stay physically with me...to cure the solitude I felt."

'Just to satisfy my selfishness,' you said?

Why? Just why...would you call something like that 'just a selfishness'? I exist only for your sake, Master. You have every right to command me to do anything. Nothing is more joyous for me than fulfilling what you ask me to do.