the killing kind - (lgbt | onc 2022)

10

"Kavi, we don't have a lot of time," he said, his voice now gentle. Like Kavi was the one who needed comforting. Like Jasper wasn't the one who was counting down the minutes to his deathbed.

"I don't understand," Kavi said, and now his voice wobbled, the violent pitch of it dissipating. "I don't understand. You don't have to do this."

"I do. It's the only way to keep Ashwell safe."

"Fuck Ashwell."

"Kav, all these people—"

"Fuck all of them. We can fight."

"Against an army? The soldiers aren't the only threat. I can't stay here either way. Tonight is going to happen again, I'm going to keep hurting people. Eventually, somebody's going to die."

"We can find a way," Kavi said, voice wobbling. "Please."

"Like what? Even if Ashwell can fight off the soldiers, I can't spend my entire life in—in a cage, to keep people safe. I can't go to any institutions or hospitals in other cities, either—they'll find me there."

"We can run away." Kavi reached for Jasper's hands, squeezed them tightly between his own. Warmth radiated from Jasper's body, only a few inches separating them. "Jas, we can run away. Me and you. Right now, before Laura comes back." His voice had become desperate, an aching plead to be heard.

"And then what? They're going to keep hunting me, and anywhere we go there'll be people for me to hurt." Jasper's voice was remarkably controlled. Kavi couldn't comprehend how he managed that. "And if I go anywhere with you, Kavi, eventually I'm going to hurt you, too—again. One day—" his voice trembled, the first break in his facade. "One day I'm going to kill you, if we don't stop this now."

"So kill me." Kavi searched Jasper's face, begging him to meet his gaze. "I don't care. I don't care about anything anymore."

"No." The words quivered on their way out, but Jasper still met Kavi's gaze squarely. "Let me do one good thing. Let me save this place."

"I can't let you."

"It isn't your choice to make. It's mine."

Kavi's tears were wet and warm on his face. He clung to Jasper's hands desperately, as though if he held tightly enough he could keep him there with him forever.

"I just got you back, Jas. Don't do this."

Jasper didn't answer, features pulled into that solemn, haunted frown that Kavi had grown familiar with. He didn't want it to become unfamiliar ever again.

Kavi pushed on, pulling Jasper closer. "You're not thinking straight, Jas. Tell me you don't want this. We can figure it out—me and you. I'll take care of you."

Jasper tore his gaze away, looking at the floor, or maybe at their hands, tangled together between them. The skin over his knuckles was calloused and broken open in places, a year's worth of scarring and injury making them rough to the touch. Kavi stared at him, desperate, feeling his heart in his throat and silently begging Jasper to look at him again.

Jasper's shoulders twitched once, and Kavi watched a tear fall from his lashes and land on their clasped hands.

"I don't—I don't want to die," he admitted, voice small.

It was all Kavi needed to hear. He squeezed Jasper's hands until he could feel his own pulse in his fingertips.

"You won't. I promise."

"It's too late."

"It isn't."

The rage was back, and Kavi welcomed it. He let it fall into the crevices of his brain, let the white-hot light press up against his eyes.

The door opened, and Kavi was turning around before Laura could even fully step through.

She was going to let him die. She was going to kill him.

Sound blossomed and exploded in a single cruel bang. Laura hit the doorframe and then the floor, followed by a long line of bright red on the white paint.

Everything stopped for a single horrible second, and then it sped up again, faster than Kavi could keep up with.

Declan was right there. Shouting something. Kavi and Jasper looked at each other, and time slowed for a heartbeat, and then Jasper nodded and stepped forward and snapped Declan's neck in a single clean movement.

Everything had faded to a dull roar in the background. Kavi walked over to Laura, feeling as though he was somewhere above his body and someone else was moving his legs and arms.

Jasper stood over him as he removed his jacket, still unable to hear past the ringing in his ears, and laid it over Laura's shoulders. Blood bubbled over her lower lip and her chest trembled, breaths gurgling. Her eyes, wide with shock, stared directly at him. Not through him.

God, Kavi wished she was seeing through him, but for a solid two seconds, she looked at him instead, burning her horror into his chest.

He placed a trembling hand on her cheek, then gently swept aside her hair.

He should've said something. Anything.

Instead, Jasper's hand fell on his shoulder, and he got to his feet, glancing back at her once more before shutting the bedroom door behind the two of them. He didn't hear the click, didn't hear what Jasper was saying, but somehow the words registered regardless.

"Kavi," he said. "Kavi, look at me." Both of his hands were on Kavi's shoulders, and Kavi looked into his deep brown eyes, feeling one of those hands move to cup his face.

"Let's go," Kavi said.

—

The stars were out, and the moon was a thin white sliver on a deep blue backdrop. A chill hung in the air and clung to Kavi's bare arms. The yellow line on one of Ashwell's pitted streets unfurled behind and in front of them.

He wished he could feel something. Something other than Jasper's hand, still in his own as they walked. Distantly, he knew he was just in shock, knew that it would pass.

He almost hoped it wouldn't.

The lights were still on in Laura's home when they passed it. Kavi looked over his shoulder at it, knowing he should feel something towards it. That was his home, too. His and Jasper's.

All he could manage was a faint twinge of regret, not towards the house, but for his abandoned painting, left on the easel in his bedroom.

He'd never get to finish it. He hadn't even been able to work his bright red mistake into the bigger picture.

And now he would never get the chance.

It was a silly thing to be upset about, but it was the only thing Kavi could latch his mind onto, and he clung to it desperately.

They were at the city limits now. And on the horizon, appearing over the bump in the road that led in and out of Ashwell, Kavi saw them come.

Trucks with massive off-road tires and open backs. People clustered in the backs of the vehicles, moonlight shining on their helmets, guns sticking into the sky like rows of teeth.

The soldiers rolled towards Ashwell, and Jasper and Kavi shared a glance before stepping off the road and into the field beyond.

"This is going to end with me killing you," Jasper said, as stalks of wheat rustled against their clothes.

"Better you than anything else," Kavi replied. The wind pulled at his hair. Above them, the moon continued on its downward path, and somewhere behind them, bullets rang through the air.