Indecisive (Loki Laufeyson x Bucky Barnes x Reader)

CHAPTER 31

I held onto that not knowing if it was true or not, but after every secession he would say the same thing. 

"It's not real. Focus on my voice, It's not real." 

I'm not sure if it was because he felt bad for me after they began taking me twice a day, this time to a warehouse much like the one I had been taken to before as they began to test my healing powers. 

It was then that one of the guards had heard Theo saying that it wasn't real when they began to put the headpiece on me before I had awaken and make me think that someone had come looking for me. It wasn't until they took it off that I would realize they hadn't. Naturally it began to play with my mind. 

I would wake up and wonder if I was dreaming or the headset was on my head, only there would be no way for me to take it off myself, and no way for me to tell if it was actually on my head. Theo was no longer allowed to speak to me, I had realized that he had probably suffered a consequence for what he had been doing and was now as good as a statue. 

When I was in the warehouse they would cut me and watch how I healed without the serum they had tested on me before, as well as anything else they wanted to inflict on me and then they would just do the same thing, only this time with the serum. 

Exhaustion didn't even begin to describe what I was feeling because at the moment there was no pain because I wasn't bleeding out. My skin would heal as it always did and then it would be as if they had never touched me at all. 

I kicked and screamed at first, and it was only yesterday that I had actually gotten up myself and walked into the room without them having to drug me and take me in there anyways. It was something I began to hate, the drugging, I didn't like being unconscious while they ran their tests so I decided to go without a fight, not that I hadn't been brewing my escape plan in my mind since I had gotten here. 

Every time was the same, a bag placed over my head and then I was dragged out of the room. I had memorized the pattern of where I was going and no longer needed a guard to hold my arm as I was brought through the many twists and turns of the hallways. I walked on my own accord and only ever so often was helped around a sharp corner. 

Today was no different. 

I sat in my cell, eyes heavy, my knees to my chest and my hands over my head clinging to the bars behind me. 

When is this going to stop?

I can't do this anymore.

I stared at the ground unable to move, unable to feel anything for that matter. It was only when I heard Theo cough that I raised my head slowly and looked at him. He looked as though he felt bad for me, but at this point I wasn't sure if I was imagining the pity or if it was really there. 

If he actually felt a bit of sadness as he obviously knew what was happening to me outside of this room. I was dragged in disheveled every time, so if he didn't know I'm sure he had a pretty good idea. 

That didn't matter, to me he was no better if he was just going to sit and do nothing. I felt guilty every time I thought that way, but nothing was going to change the fact that he was out there, and even though he was still in the same room, I felt worlds apart from everyone else. 

The doors unlocked once more and I flinched at the clicking sound, knowing what was to come next. I clung to the bars until I was sure the whites of my knuckles were showing. Clinging to whatever I had left because I was sure that after today all the parts of me that cared would no longer be there. 

I was so tired of being cut open and tortured for hours, the pain excruciating as they dragged whatever tool across my skin. And I had nothing to show for it. Nothing to look at and see what I had survived, no scar telling a story of what I'd been through.