Pocket Full of Posies

Chapter Twenty-Two

One of my greatest regrets was never talking to Isaac. Sure, I'd talked to Joanna, but that had been to shut her up after her millionth voicemail and text message. I guess I'd kind of been hoping Isaac would be calling and texting me nonstop to, please, let him explain. But, no; he'd let his new girlfriend do all the talking for him. I guess I wasn't even worth the explanation, or maybe he figured he'd said it all that day I found them together. Of all the years together, of all the love I'd poured into him....that was all I got.

  If I stopped and thought about it, I could see what he meant by us drifting apart for a long time. I'd assumed it was wedding jitters—my aunt and uncle told me once men respond to nerves differently than women do. He'd been so moody for months, "playing" around with me in ways that seemed passive aggressive and just plain mean. He'd say something intolerably rude and uncalled for and when I looked upset, he'd say he was sorry for taking his joking too far. He'd put on that dazzling grin and we'd go about the rest of our day.

  He barely kissed me. There was a point where all we did was make out and fool around, but then one day he just didn't seem interested. He would kiss me hello and kiss me goodnight. Eventually the hello kisses faded unless I initiated it, and even then it was short lived. I didn't mind initiating kisses, mind you, but when I was the only one who ever did it started to make me feel bad. Goodnight kisses I got maybe a minute's worth of kissing and nothing more. Every time I leaned against him, he'd "joke" and say "no touching!" He'd be laughing all the while so I thought he really was just kidding....even if it did make me cringe inside.

  When I text him, I would call him sweet names that I always called him, but the most he would call me was darlin. After years of being called sweetheart, pumpkin pie, and a bunch of other cute names, being called only one every now and then felt like I was being given the shaft. I would cry the whole weekend sometimes because he seemed like he was giving me the cold shoulder. Every time I talked about it, I was told to give him a break and that I was maybe overreacting. I convinced myself it was all in my head, too.

  He was really good about pleasing the public, too. He would laugh and talk to everyone like everything was A-Okay. He would even be more like himself to me, too. But when we were driving around, he barely talked to me. I chalked it up to him just being naturally quiet in the car anyway and that I was projecting something that wasn't there just because I was insecure. Sometimes I made us stay at my house all the time just so he would have his normal jovial smile and attitude, even though I knew he hated chilling at the house because there was no privacy. I used to hate it, too, but hey I got desperate.

  But I refused to think about that, because I refused to give Isaac the satisfaction of being right. It wasn't my fault we'd grown apart. I hadn't been lusting after another person, after all. I'd remained faithful to him even in my mind. I'd never wanted anyone else. He was supposed to be my one and only.

  My one and only....

  I never thought I'd be looking down at my phone smiling at a text sent to me by another man. I only ever wanted to smile at Isaac's texts, even though the last few months they only made me sad.

  Let's hang out. Today.

  It wasn't a question, and for some reason that made all the difference to me. Now that it was out there, there was a confidence in Landon that was just....ugh, so damn sexy. I hated it.

  But I loved it.

  He was such an ass.

  But, God, he was so sweet.

  There was no way in hell I was responding to that text.

  I typed back, "You like movies?" and told myself I'd rather he just ignore me.