𝐋𝐈𝐅𝐄 𝐀𝐅𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐘𝐎𝐔 [a rini au]

- FORTY-ONE!

the idea of the united kingdom excited nini to no end. everyday she added to her list of things and places she wanted to see in london during her time there, and the anticipation was killing her. the start of something new awaited her, and she needed that more than anything at this given moment. except, a fresh beginning still somehow seemed far out of reach as her past began to haunt her more and more each day.

it was like inviting the boy to her birthday party opened an unexpected door in nini's heart, one which was left propped open for ricky to nudge open further every second. it was obvious to nini that the ice was melting between the two of them, but she didn't know what to make of it. in fact, she didn't want to make anything of it, because she knew if she did, she'd come across an answer she couldn't bear to hear. there was only so much confusion and heartache she could handle, and nini knew that there would be more to come the moment she knocked on devon's door.

the couple hadn't been acting the same since nini's birthday and the confrontation with ricky. nini tried her hardest to keep things normal, but devon always appeared to be walking on eggshells, distant in a way that nini didn't know if she could fix. she hoped that somehow the awkwardness would just dissipate, and maybe now devon was ready to tell her that.

when devon pulled the door open, nini flashed him an excited smile. "i'm glad you texted," she began, devon stepping to the side slowly so she could walk in. "i have some london things i want to tell you about, and i think i have the perfect week you should come visit. did you know that in london they ha–"

"nini, slow down," devon released a dragged out breath. "we...can i talk to you about something first, please?"

nini, who was already energetically finding a seat on the couch, was hoping that her enthusiasm would draw devon in, that it would remind him that things between them were all good. apparently it wasn't enough, for when nini read his face, she knew a bomb was about to drop. "yeah!" she tried to remain cheery as devon took a seat across from her. "what's up?"

devon was able to hold confident eye contact with nini as he crossed his legs to get comfortable. meanwhile, nini's chocolate irises bounced around the entire living room. "neens," devon began, cheeks coloring, "you've been one of the best things to ever happen to me. ever since i met you, i knew that you were so, so special, and i've never once doubted that for a minute."

nini's lips upturned. this must be good, then, she thought to herself, heartbeat slowing and allowing her to lock eyes with her boyfriend. "i love you," devon continued.

"i love you, too," nini's face reddened as she grabbed his hands, stroking her thumbs across the back of them.

"that–that's the thing," devon stuttered, and it was that which made nini's breathing stop. he never stuttered. "i know you love me, but...but i also know that you don't love me how you want to."

the singer's eyes wiped clean. "what are you talking about?"

devon flipped nini's hands over, allowing himself to squeeze them. "i think...i think you did for a while, but i think you know that it hasn't been the same for quite some time now."

nini leaned forward with persistence. "no, is this about ricky? because i swear, i ne–"

"this isn't about ricky. it's about you, neens," devon sighed, his blue eyes pleading. "it's about how you still care about him and love him in this unique, special way that you can't love me in anymore. it's impossible to control your feelings, but it's even more impossible to notice them when they curate."

nini tried her hardest to keep her breath moving. she stared at devon with tears lining her eyes. she shook her head slowly as if that would somehow erase the truth in his words, because that was it, after all – they had truth, and nini knew it. "dev, please don't," her voice croaked.

devon's lips pressed together. "emotions are crazy things, neens, and i want you to be able to comprehend your own. you can't do that with me like this."

"devon, do not, i'm se–"

"i care about you more than you'll ever know," the influencer's voice cracked for the first time, "and i will always care about you, just like how you'll always care about ricky. what kind of friend would i be if i tried to force something that isn't meant to be?"

nini placed her hands on devon's knees now, practically folding onto him. "i can't lose you, devon, no," she whimpered, tears now gliding down her face. "i'm sorry. i'm so, so sorry. i didn't want to hurt you, and i'm sorry if i did, and i love you. i really, really do. please believe me. please."

devon let out a matter-of-fact breath. "i know you do," he softly spoke, "but not once have you said that you don't love ricky."

nini wanted to fire back, retort with a defiant scream that ricky bowen meant absolutely nothing to her anymore. but, the way the emptiness scratched at her vocal chords told her all she needed to know; she couldn't even pretend. her lips fell open in defeat, shoulders slumping.

"you won't lose me," devon reassured, managing to crack a sympathetic smile amongst all of this. his emotional control made nini envious. "i will always be here for you. i just want you to be happy, and you're happy with me, but i just know it's different with ricky. whether it's platonic, romantic, i don't know, but i do know that you'll be happier if you're with him in some way. i don't want to hold you back from that. i can't."

happier. was that it? was that what she longed for? more? nini didn't want to find out. instead, she allowed the news of this breakup to cripple her, send her tumbling into devon's chest as he held her close. the girl shook in his arms, and she hated it. she hated never being able to understand herself until it was too late – until she lost the people she cared about the most.

devon let her sob, though. he didn't question it since he already knew. he massaged her scalp with one hand as he used his other to stroke his fingers comfortingly across her back. "why...why is this happening to me?" nini mumbled through cries, face nuzzled in the cotton clothing devon's chest. on the surface level she was referencing the breakup, but nini knew devon could see right through her; apparently he had been all this time. she couldn't understand her sudden change in heart, her anonymous longing to tie herself to ricky.

the brunette boy only held nini closer. "it's alright, neens," he soothed. "you're gonna be alright."

with five days left until the greatest adventure of her life, the world "alright" was erasing from nini's vocabulary.

𝐌𝐀𝐂𝐊 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐓𝐒!
→ oh!