Set Me Free ▪︎ Joel Miller ▪︎

▪︎○ Thirty Four ○▪︎

Joel watched her walk away reluctantly. Her expression had shifted the moment he had uttered his answer; a mix of hurt and disappointment. It struck him hard, shooting through his heart sharply.

He wanted to jog after her, to take it back and tell her that he would see this through to the end with her but then that voice in the back of his head spoke up, reminding him of what happens when he grows attached to people, when he feels things deeper for those around him.

He didn’t want to lose Olivia and Ellie or screw up along the way. Tommy was the best option for them – he had to believe that.

So, without picking up his pace or mumbling a word, the frowning Southern man watched the woman he felt deeply for walk a few paces ahead, falling into step with the two teens discussing the ice cream truck a short distance away. And just like that, he witnessed Olivia’s expressions and body language perk up for the young kids, determined not to be sad around them or let on that something had happened to upset her.

As usual, Olivia chose to put on a brave face for the sake of those around her.

“You’re totally fucking with me,”

Ellie’s comment peaked his curiosity, drawing his attention to the ice cream truck she, Sam and Olivia had gathered around while Henry searched a nearby house. He arched a brow at the teen before Olivia chuckled. “Nope, I’m serious.” she insisted with an amused smile. “These trucks would drive around neighbourhoods playing creepy music and kids would chase it, wanting an ice cream.”

Again, Ellie shook her head in total disbelief until she spotted Joel just off to the side watching them. “Joel?”

The smuggler breathed a chuckle and folded his arms, “she’s tellin’ the truth.” he confirmed with a discreet glance to Olivia.

“Man, you guys lived in a strange time.”

“Oh, yeah, totally. We lived in the strange time,” Olivia agreed sarcastically as she turned and headed towards the house Henry had disappeared into.

She walked up the set of stairs, passing by Henry in the kitchen with a small smile on her plump lips and a desire to have a moment alone. She just wanted to think and feel without having to wear a mask for those around her. She wanted to process the loss she was soon to experience. One she wasn’t at all emotionally ready for.

Olivia didn’t want to let go of Joel. She wasn’t sure she could.

But she would have to.

“Dammit Joel.” she mumbled to herself whilst wandering into a small children’s bedroom that was decorated with car themed walls and toys alike. She smiled briefly, running her fingertips over the dust covered toys set out neatly atop the cabinet before moving to sit on the single bed.

She pulled her pack off with a heavy heart, pulling open the zip and retrieving the small toy truck from within the front pocket. Then, as she allowed her pack to drop to the floor at her feet, she lay back, holding the truck in the light with a fond smile.

“I wish you were here, Matty. I could use one of your hulk hugs.” she spoke softly, convincing herself that he could hear her. “You always made everything better.” her eyes glistened with tears as grief and fear rose to the surface. “Things have gotten so complicated and I don’t know how to change it. I don’t want to do this without him.” she confessed to thin air.

“Liv?”

The voice was one she didn’t want to hear in this moment, especially after her recent confession. But with a quiet sniffle and a hand running under both her eyes, she sat up, looking straight at Joel where he stood in the doorway with a concerned expression. “Are you alright?”