Cruising Through The Clouds (COMPLETED)

Kabanata 26

Kabanata 26

Late

"ARE you sure you don't want to know their genders?" I shrugged my shoulders, dahil sa pang ilang beses na tanong na ni Russel iyon sa akin. Kanina niya pa ako kinukulit dahil excited siya, pero tinatawanan ko lang.

"Nope," I simply said, tsaka sinimulang kainin ang pagkain na nilapag ni Nana Luna sa mesa.

Russel groans.

"You're making me overthink, don't you know that?" reklamo na naman nito sa akin. I glanced at him, at senenyas ang pagkain sa mesa but Russel shook his head.

"Don't think, okay. I don't want to know because I want it to be a surprise."

Sumubo ako at hinayaan na si Russel na panay bulong nang bulong. Alam kong excited siya na malaman ang genders ng kambal ko. I am as well, pero mas gusto ko ang surprise. That thought made me sad. Naisip ko kasi bigla na... ganyan din kaya ang magiging reaction ni Anthony kasi hindi ko gustong malaman ang genders ng mga anak namin? How would he feel? Mag-o-overthink din kaya siya katulad nang nararamdaman ni Russel ngayon? What would he do just to make me comfortable every time I feel uncomfortable? What would he do if he knew I craved something? Magiging kagaya rin kaya nang ginawa ni Russel ang gagawin niya? That he'll wake up in the middle of the night just to find me a one-slice strawberry dipped in honey on this secluded island? Would he rattle when I vomit every morning?

Umiling ako at winaksi lahat ng nasa isip.

When I decided to come here to the island, I also decided to stop thinking about him. I cut my entire connection with him when I learned that I had lost my baby. I just can't stay in Manila while mourning the loss of my baby and my broken heart. I cruised through the clouds to cut all my connections with him, and it must stay like that.

He must be happy now with the woman he truly loves. He must be content with Officer Miller now, because, from what I remember, she was his first love.

Masakit, kaya nga dapat hindi ko na ito iniisip ei.

As the months passed by, I realized I should never force a relationship that isn't meant to work. Sometimes it's better to move on than to hold on to a person who doesn't understand who I truly am. Unfortunately, there will be times when my absence will teach me what my presence cannot.

Everything that I do to show love, I have to be careful not to lose myself by trying to fix something that should never have been there in the first place. I can't get the relationship I need from someone who's not ready to reciprocate the love I give them.

I know it's hard when I meet someone and my heart feels like that's the person I could spend an eternity with, and I start to accept that they are not that person I thought they needed to be. Kasi ganyan 'yong naramdaman ko when I met Galan... nagbago rin iyon nang makilala ko si Anthony.

And no matter how many times I cry myself to sleep at night; I will eventually heal from my previous relationship and find the one I have always longed for.

My future will now bring an understanding of why things didn't work out in my previous relationship.

One thing I have learned throughout the months is that it is better to be single than to be in a relationship and settle for less.

If the people see me as an option, then they don't deserve to be a priority in my life. And I will never chase someone who's not chasing me.

"Sabi mo kanina ngayon mo itutuloy ang meeting? Bakit hanggang ngayon e nandito ka pa?"

The sun is in its high temperature today, kaya nasa lilim lang ako ng puno ng kahoy, nagduduyan, while Russel is on the other hammock near mine.

"I moved the schedule since mamayang alas sais pa naman darating ang mga bisita. And... I'm planning to invite you to accompany me to my dinner meeting. If it's okay with you, of course," nag-aalangan ang boses na sambit ni Russel.

Ngumuso ako. Wala rin naman akong gagawin mamaya. And San Jacinto is just one of the places na hindi ko pagsasawaang puntahan. And Russel's resort is a good place to stay too.

"A'right... mukhang mapilit ka naman at kawawa kapag tinanggihan ko, kaya sasama ako," pang-aasar ko.

Russel rolled his eyes at me at natawa kaya natawa rin ako.

"Your level of confidence is at its peak, huh," natatawa pa ring sambit ni Russel kaya tinawanan ko ito tsaka nagkibit ng balikat.

Sanay na si Russel na inaasar ko at ganoon din ako sa kanya. He never makes me feel awkward whenever we're together, kaya nga napagkakamalan kami sa trabaho na kami, na siya ang ama ng ipinagbubuntis ko. He is the type of man na hinding-hindi ka hahayaang gawin ang bagay na hindi niya sigurado kung safe ba sa 'yo o hindi, and not in a suffocating way.

Alas singko nang sunduin ako ni Russel sa mansion at dalhin ako sa resort. He's already wearing black longsleeves, washed jeans, shoes, and a branded watch. Overall, he looked polished, kaya hindi ko na kailangang magtaka kung bakit halos lahat ng mga kababaihan sa resort nito ay lumilingon sa kasama ko.

"Sobrang bagay talaga sila ni Ma'am Lane at Sir Russel 'no?"

Isa lang 'yan sa mga lagi kong naririnig tuwing makikitang magkasama kami ni Russel na ipinagkibit-balikat ko na lang. Nasanay na akong makarinig nang mga ganoon simula noong nagkakilala kami ni Russel.

"Good evening, gentlemen, I just want to introduce you to the most beautiful woman I'm with tonight, Emerey Journalane, baby, this is Mr. Alfonso..."

Nakipag-kamay ako sa matandang pinakilala ni Russel sa akin at ganoon rin sa mga kasamahan nito. Hindi ako sanay sa ganito, pero maalam ako dahil sa naging trabaho ko at sa estado ng buhay ng pamilya ko.

"She's indeed beautiful, Mr. Segalle," puna ng isa sa mga ka-meeting ni Russel kaya natawa kami.

"Thank you so much, Mr. Alfonso—"

"I'm sorry if I'm late..."

Naputol ang sasabihin ko at nabitin ang ngiti ko nang marinig ko ang pamilyar na boses sa likuran ko.

This can't be right?

My heart throbbed at para akong kakapusin nang hininga. This isn't him, right? O c'mon, it's impossible that its—

"It's okay, Mr. Cohan. Kararating lang din namin."

I don't know kung ano ang reaction ko nang kumpermahin ni Russel ang nasa isip ko. Hindi ko alam kung paano ako re-react. Hindi ko alam kung lilingon ako o magpapaalam na aalis, o aalis na lang nang walang paalam.