too little too late | a nishinoya yuu angst one shot

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Hey Nishinoya.

At which point did everything go wrong with us?

We haven't talked to each other in a while.

Was it my fault?

I hope you understand.

I do, but I don't know if I want to because... We were doing fine, weren't we?

The first time I met Ryū was in high school. At first glance, he seemed aloof, reckless, like your typical school delinquent, but whenever Kiyoko was in the same room as him, his demeanor completely changed. Once he laid eyes on her that one day in our first year, he fell for her, hard. Smitten, head in the clouds, completely in love. He always acted like a complete fool around her.

No wonder we immediately became best friends.

That we both hadn't lost faith in our school volleyball team to win a national tournament at least once yet bonded us even more than our shared passion for volleyball.

You had never met the other one alone. You could only get us as a set. Even though we didn't even go to the same class and the volleyball club didn't get the same attention back then as it did a few years ago, people always asked for "Nishinoya and Tanaka", "Ryūnosuke and Noya."

"Have you seen Nishinoya?" – "Probably in the parallel class with that Tanaka."

"Can you give this to Tanaka?" – "You can give it to Noya over there. I'm sure they'll see each other today at training or something."

It was clear that that was not a forced friendship just because we played on the same team. We regularly met up and spend time with each other outside practice, either with others or just the two of us. Played in the arcade, had sleepovers, traveled around Japan, helped each other move out of our parents' house, gave each other horrible dating advice, and listened to relationship problems.

There was nothing that ever made me doubt that our friendship wouldn't continue in the future. Not even when one day I decided to travel the world on my own.

I had known for a long time that I wouldn't go to university. Why should I? The only thing I always wanted was to play volleyball. Not even as a coach for which I would be horrible anyways. No, I wanted to fight myself on the court. So, then what? Ever since I was little, I was drawn to the foreign. It was only natural that I would leave Japan once I got enough money by working some odd jobs, even if it would take years.

Just buy a one-way plane ticket to Europe, find a job there as quickly as possible while surviving on money I saved back home, and then explore the world. That was the plan. And I did it. Back then, I didn't have any plans to come back for a long time.

We both have very different lives.

Was it dumb to assume that my new life in a different time zone wouldn't have any effect on our friendship? Was it ignorant to assume that everyone would be understanding of my new lifestyle? Was it wrong to assume that Tanaka and I had a friendship where we couldn't see each other for a long time and then just pick up where we left off once we met? Was it wrong to assume that nothing would change?

I seriously thought that I had already found the real me back then in school. That I am already confident of who I am. But after traveling to several countries, whose language I didn't speak while still managing to make ends meet, I realized how immature I was.

Traveling and living abroad as cheaply as possible without having to fear ending up on the streets one day wasn't as easy as I first thought it'd be. I was always working, had no free time to reach out to my friends and family regularly. Maybe some chats and liking posts and messages, but that was it. But hey, that's just adult life, right?