"vinnie youre acting like im frozen! i can move, fuck!" she was frustrated. she's been frustrated, i get it, everyones treating her like shes make of glass. but weve gone to the doctor 4 times due to pain or bleeding, i want none of that again. theres only a couple weeks left, shes on her 7th month today.
"honey, i just dont want you hurting youre back, okay?" i said giving her what she was reaching for.
"i know im pregnant, but i can reach the top shelf." she put her hands on her hips.
"you cant reach the top shelf pregnant or not." i laughed, she walked away in her usual mood. "do you want anything?"
"no." she said on the couch. "actually, why dont we go on like a hike?"
"no."
"vin, pleaseee."
"no, isa, im tired." im really not.
"beach?"
"later." i shouldve said no, shes gonna drag me there now.
"okay!" she got up quickly, my soul nearly jumped out of my body, she was as fragile as a butterfly wing right now.
its taken me a minute to realize and admit to myself how in love i still am. the way she does anything mesmerizes me, shes gonna be an amazing mother. she glows while pregnant.
i know i fucked up but i wanna be a family. i want to raise my kid with her as not just my baby mama but my girlfriend or wife or anything.
thinking about it, how bad could the beach be? its not like shes running or jumping, shes not even swimming.
"you look beautiful." i spied up on her looking as she put on earrings in the bathroom mirror.
"thank you. i feel pretty." it was really important to me that she'd feel pretty, she has her moments where she feels defeated.
i grabbed us a bag full of snacks, a picnic blanket, a book we've been reading together—its about parenting. i also packed an instant camera and we got an old vintage camera, to capture her pregnancy.
i liked that she put effort into this, you could tell she was dying for a moment like this.
"you ready?" she grinned. i nodded.
i tried to record her as much as i could. we drove with the car roof down, the weather was perfect, everything was perfect.
at a stop light i turned on the camera.
"where we going?" i smiled.
"you're being such a dad right now." she chuckled. "to the beach, because i really wanted to go. look how cute daddy is!" she grabbed the camera from me and pointed it at me.
"were almost there." i continued the drive. the beach was pretty empty, then again its a beautiful beach but its pretty secluded—our followers still dont know much. lots of rumors, the biggest belief is that were back together, but that isnt the case.
i set the blanket down for us and laid out some snacks. the first thing she did was put her feet in the water.
"look at me angel." i said with the camera in my hand.
"vinnie! enough pictures."
"no no, she needs to know what you looked like pregnant." i smiled. i put the camera down and wrapped my arms around her.
"thank you. you've been so patient." she said putting her head onto my shoulder.
i took a deep breath. what am i waiting for? the perfect moment? i love her now, i love her today. there is no guarantee on what happens today or tomorrow or later, i have her now.
"its because i love you. i love you so much. there no such thing as a perfect moment for this. i love you today, i love you now—fuck, ill love you tomorrow. i love you're beauty as a mother, you took this journey on like a fucking beast, you didnt think twice. im so in love with you it shocks me, it surprises me. i know this is a lot but i love you."
it felt like the look and warmth in her eyes was back more than ever. she grabbed my face and pulled me in.
i felt full, happy, blessed. we hadnt kissed in months, i fucked up, and i suffered the loss of this feeling for so long. but now its just back. and its here to stay.
***
@vinniehacker
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@vinniehacker : i think its been long enough to shine light on whats been making me happiest recently, we were waiting for when we both felt ready to openly show the world whats had us feeling at home and full, counting down the days @isabellegarcia beyond grateful, i love you mode everyday
