Lavender | Wakatoshi Ushijima

16 | Appointment

"We need to talk about the company." This is the third time.

"Father, I-" I try to stop him.

"No, Hana. You are at an age where you should decide what you're doing with your life. This is ridiculous. You can't keep running from this decision."

"I understand, Father, but I don't want to plan my life out with a simple yes or no."

"You have the intelligence, and you're graduating this year too. You're ready."

"I know I am, but I don't know if I want this career," I say, ashamed.

"I refuse to take this as a no. At this moment, don't think of yourself. The entire Takahashi family's honor rests on your shoulders."

"You have a duty, exactly as I did. You are the last heir of the family. Can you imagine the shame we'll be forced to live if we lose the company to other people? We'd lose all everything our family has worked years to build."

"I know, Father," I whisper. I have no choice.

We leave in deafening silence. I sit in the backseat, put on my headphones, and turn on a playlist while admiring the empty plains that pass by.

Opening my poetry notebook, I write away.

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The weekend ends faster than I'd anticipated. I missed school yesterday. I missed it Monday so I definitely need to catch up. I'm back at school, and I feel better.

All day, I've been working on the play. Reading over my lines, acting parts, practicing. The play is in a couple weeks, but I've been reading it thoroughly. I've also been following the notes Hana wrote down for me. They're helpful notes, written in blue ink. Her handwriting is neat.

Right now, I don't know what to do at all. I have practice. What do I say to Coach Washijio? I should ask Tendo.

I walk down the hall, heading to my third period, as I realize I haven't gotten my usual greeting from her. I'm not seeing Hana anywhere in the halls today.

There is no trace of her. Her smile, her laughter, her presence, there's no trace of them. I haven't heard her or seen her. She consumed my thoughts, and my worry eats away at me until I enter the gym for practice.

"Nakamura?" I tap my team's manager on the shoulder.

She lets out a hum in response.

"Where's Hana? There are notes I need to return," I bluff.

"She's absent, but she has something important to attend to." Yamagata calls her over, so she walks away.

Something important? It's not my place to ask, so I don't ask her again.

I can't help but worry. She's usually on time and at school. Where could she be?

We go ahead with practice. I work on Semi for his setting drill, and a diving drill with Yamagata. He's the best at it. That makes sense, he's our libero. I was stiff at first, but over the years I've vastly improved.

I haven't missed a single line hit since the beginning of practice. I'm making sure to be as precise as possible so I won't get another scolding. The coach and I haven't made eye contact when he came to check on our progress. I have an itching feeling I need to apologize.

"Coach Akira?"

"Hm? Ah. Yes, Ushijima?"

"Can I speak to Coach Washijo?"

"He's in the office. I'll go check with him," he gave me a concerned look, the only indication I need to understand that he won't be happy to see me.

Sure enough, he goes into their office and comes out with a half-surprised expression.

"Go ahead, he's waiting for you."

I slowly walk into his office. "Take a seat," Coach Washijo says harshly. I look down and sit.

"Where have you been?" he asks sternly.

"I was sick, sir." I continue, "I'm here to apologize."

He immediately stops me. "I was stressed about the tournament that I'd been meaning to tell you about. It's to assure our place as a powerhouse school, and you as the number one ace of the prefecture. Seeing how you played, I didn't want to risk anything."

He stands up and walks over to me. I pray to disintegrate in the chair.

"It wasn't an excuse to yell at you." He motions for me to stand, which I do. This is the closest to an apology I'll get. I'm not waiting for one, the regret in his eyes says it all.

"Do not apologize for your mistakes. Move forward." He walks out.

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I'm back in that spot, wedged between my parents. During every appointment, I sit between them while the doctors talk and talk.

We check in with the doctor as soon as we arrive. The specialist's name is Doctor Ōta.

He takes blood samples and sends them for testing. I go to a secluded room for tons of scans. He looks at many of my previous tests, being as precise as possible.

He concludes. It's the decision I've been waiting for.

"I've taken a generous amount of time looking at your tests and lab work."

My father looks up at him eagerly. Doctor Ōta pushes his glasses further up the bridge of his nose, as if they aren't close enough to his eyes.

"Your tests are fine. There's no need for surgery now, your condition can withstand it. I will need to prescribe you with another pill to take daily. You'll need to be very careful with it. It's the strongest one you'll have."

Great, another one. I'm honestly not really surprised, I was expecting this. I'll take it with my other pill. I'm lying to myself. I know deep down that I despise this. I despise having to take the pills with shaking hands. Despise the rush of cold water, despise swallowing them dry sometimes, despise the feeling of hard capsules and blocks pushing down my throat. Most of all, I despise how I can't lead a healthy life without them.

I leave the clinic feeling defeated, with spirits too low for my own good. I hold on to the medication bag and continue the poem I was writing before the appointment. I shoot a text to Kiyo.

Hey. How was school, love?

Hana! It was boring, I missed my note partner :( 
How did the specialist appointment go?

It was okay, nothing important.
I'm on new meds. But look at the poem I'm writing!

We continue our geeky literature talk.

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Author: AAAAAA I'M SO EXCITED. I'm finally on school break for a little while! Hopefully I can publish more chapters for you soon:)