»Distractions | MatsuHana«

»11«

Terrible. That's the only word that comes to mind when I think about the current state of things.

I've been training myself to hide, so I've never taught myself how to run. Avoiding it is better than fixing it, right? But I wish I would've considered it. Because now that I'm on the edge, close to danger, facing the end, I'm absolutely helpless. What do I do...?

The storm went on for hours. It continued until deep in the night. Hanamaki refused to let go of me, holding me close to him with trembling hands as he did what I asked. He talked to me the entire time, barely giving himself any space to breathe, only shutting up when the thunder echoed through the room. I would speak up during these times, responding to him until he was ready to interrupt me and take over again.

When the weather finally laid down, reducing the noise to only some soft tapping of the rain on my windows, the other started relaxing. I told him to sleep because we didn't have much time left before school started, and he needed the rest. He agreed, but only if I would stay with him.

That's how I spent over twelve hours with my crush hugging me. It was as bad as it sounds. My heart was beating like crazy, and I was blushing the entire time. I'm surprised he didn't say anything about it.

And that wasn't even the worst part. Having to constantly fight the urge to pull him against me with all of my strength, to trap him in my arms, to squish him until it hurt... I couldn't control my mind, but I managed to keep myself from doing that, at least.

I loved it. I loved it so much. His warm body against mine, his breath on my skin, him mostly avoiding my gaze, but still finding it sometimes. The look in his eyes was almost dangerous with the way it made my chest feel tight. I will never forget this. I will never get over this. I will never stop longing for this feeling.

Yet I jumped out of my bed as soon as my alarm went off. The continuous need for self-restraint was wearing me down, and the lack of sleep made it harder and harder to keep up my will power. Staying that close to him wasn't going to do us any good, so I put as much distance between us while he was busy waking up.

How he managed to sleep is beyond me. Did he feel safe, being so defenseless in my arms, even though he pretty much knows I like him? Maybe his fear tired him out to the point where he couldn't help himself. Or maybe he just trusts me that much.

Without a word, we prepared ourselves for the day. I once again lent him some of my clothes, since he slept in the previous ones. He's been wearing my stuff for a few days now. It still makes me melt a little.

Just as I started calming down, Hanamaki got fired up again. As he lost his drowsiness, his memories returned to him, and he didn't waste any time on picking up where we left off yesterday.

The moment the question 'Can I ask you something?' was put out there, I started walking faster. We had just left my house to get to school, and I wasn't ready to get exposed yet. So I ignored him, hurrying to our destination without saying a word.

And that's how we ended up here. He put his chair on the other side of my table and sat down so he could stare at me, pouting. He's been doing this for three minutes now.

"Matsu, I'm just going to ask you if you keep ignoring me," my best friend huffs, breaking the silence. He sounds a bit hoarse. Must be because he was talking non-stop last night.

"We're in public," I remind him as calmly as possible. Please spare me the humiliation of being rejected with other people around.

He puffs his cheeks even more. "You clearly know what I want from you. Can't you just say yes or no?"

"No idea what you're referring to." I feign innocence, even if it won't work on him.

"Aww, come on! Oikawa, help me out." To make things even worse, Hana calls out to my archenemy as soon as he walks in.