I Didn't Know I Was Lonely Til' I Saw Your Face

Getting Our Ducks In A Row

Phil's POV

It was almost one month after the lunch tray incident. I was with Cat in my room, my parents were fine with anything but we never did anything except talk. "Cat?" I said "Yeah Phil?" She replied "I need to tell you something." I said back "What Phil?" "I don't like you anymore, but I will still stay together with you for our parents sake, If that's okay with you." I said "Of course I'll stay with you, but what brought on this? I just really want a why if there is one."

Dan, Dan Howell, Daniel James Howell, I thought to myself

"Its another person..." I trailed "Oh okay. You don't have to tell me if you don't want too." She said awkwardly "Cat I'm..." I said under my breath "What?" She asked. "It's a boy... Dan Howell." I said tearing up. "I'm bi or gay or... Hell I don't even know!" I screamed tears pouring down my face. "Phil I'm sorry if I knew you were like that, I wouldn't have done anything." Cat rambled "It's not your fault I'm attracted to him or boys in general. Just please don't tell my parents, I've already had dreams about them disowning me and kicking me out." "I won't Phil. I swear you secret is safe with me." She said "Thanks Cat, can I make you my honorary sister?" She laughed and hugged me "Of course!" She replied "Can I kiss Dan?" I asked blushing "I can't really stop you, go for it!" She said.

*The Next Day*

"Josie?" I said walking into her office before Dan got there. "Yeah Phil?" "Do you think I could be with Dan alone from 8:15 to about 9 today. I'd like to talk to him by myself just for those 45 minutes." I asked hoping for a yes. "Of course you can, Phil anytime you want me to leave the room during a session I will. Just as long as you keep it pg-13 please." she said and I was blushing, but still laughing.

Dan's POV

It has been a week since Phil had started coming to counseling. I got to get help, me and Phil got to talk, and Josie was there to hold me back from freaking out on him, though my biggest concern was me kissing him. It was Thursday. Exactly one month after the lunch tray incident.

I was sitting in Josie's office at 8:15 when Phil walked in.

"Why are you here so early?" I asked "Josie's orders. Speaking of, where is she?" Phil replied "She's at a meeting but I'm just hanging out here. She won't be back til' 9 probably. Oh come in" I said noticing him still standing in the doorway. I motioned him to come and sit by me on the bed and he did.

"Didn't even want to put up with people for 45 minutes, that's Dan Howell right there for ya. " He said back. "Damn straight." I replied and we both cracked up and once we were done laughing he had the biggest smile on his face.

It was silent after that, but it was the loudest silence I've ever heard. We were both just thinking about everything and staring at each other. His stare was charming though he had a girlfriend still. "Quit staring at me..." I said "I can't though." He replied, he had a way of talking that was different than most peoples around here, it sounded like he could be from anywhere, though he's been with me all my life. Damn it, I love him, but why didn't I notice him before, though he probably didn't notice me until that day either. We were sitting on the bed enjoying the silence when he interrupted my train of thought.

"Dan I'm sorry I was being an ass." he said "I wasn't being any better." I replied "Maybe I shouldn't have pushed you away" Phil said "But please don't do it to me now. Actually, can I pull you in?" I didn't do anything but give him a questioning look "Please Dan?" he said leaning in. "You have a girlfriend!" I yelled backing up against the wall. "Cat knows I like you, she gave me permission." He said backing me into the wall and making me sit up. Our faces were about 3 inches apart, we both leaned in and connected our lips. It was magical, we moved in sync and it was beautiful. I didn't hate it, but I knew it wasn't right. "Phil please back away a little bit and let me explain." I said knowing he would be disappointed.

"Look I enjoyed that, and you would be lying if you didn't like it too. But Phil it's not right. I know that you're not gonna tell your parents or the school, it breaks my heart but I know it's the truth. I can't walk with you in the hallway as a boyfriend if it's a secret. I don't want to fake it Phil. I want 100% truthful to everyone or not have it at all." I said "Dan I'm sorry, I'm working on it. I do truly love you, but you know how my parents are. Maybe if you came over, as a friend, and Cat could come too. Maybe then... " he stated.

"Okay then sure. but I want to be with you as soon as I can be, so you're telling them... tonight." I said trying to avoid sounding dirty but failing. "I have to go to class now. I'll tell them tonight... only for a kiss." He said getting up and standing in the doorway. I got up. I looked at him "You're a dork... did you know that?" I said "I'm waiting." He replied. I got on my tiptoes and pecked him on the cheek and then hugged him. "Thanks for that phone call the other day by the way." Phil said to me "No problem. Now hurry up, you've got to get to class and I've got to start on the homework." I said back "Bye" "Bye" He replied and walked out the door and down the hall.

A/N woah a long chapter 1026 words. Yes Dan is taller than Phil current time but this was like 2009 in an alternate universe so shhhhh its okay. Well I hope you have a good day. I don't know who's all reading this or if I'm just writing to myself, so if you could like vote or comment to tell me if you're reading. This is just the one time I'm asking for a vote or comment, okay thanks. ~ Syd