Terminal Diagnosis

Terminal Diagnosis Chpter 19

" Les.... Are you comfortable enough?" Rick whispered to her ear

" I'm okay... I just wanna be with you, please stay with me..." Lesley replied quietly

" That's one thing my bug you will never be without... Shhh just rest." Rick smiled and gave Lesley a kiss.

" I'm going to talk with Jessie and the nurse, okay? If you need something or you feel like you need to make a b-line for the bathroom, you just shout out for us the best way you can... Don't try to go by yourself, you've had enough trouble as it is this morning and I don't want you to feel like you have to prove anything.”  Rick said gently and kissed her on her forehead again before he stepped into the hallway to talk to Jessie and the nurse...

Jessie could tell just by the look on Rick's face that things started to really show after everything stopped, even then she didn't want to admit it to herself that Lesley wasn't doing good. " How's Lesley this morning?”  She asked even though she could already see what his answer was going to be

" She's trying but she's really not doing good.... She's up off and on vomiting more than usual. I can't get her to eat much of anything at all now she's started to have more trouble with walking to the point that she's back to being confined to the chair.... I hate it. I wish I could help her." Rick said 

" Rick I know how you feel, believe me I know.... No matter how hard the situation is or how sick Lesley is becoming there's only one thing Rick that means to her... That's you. Seeing you when she wakes up or just laying in your arms that is what means the world to her.”  Jessie paused to take a minute then she continued 

" Lesley knew it was gonna devastate you when she chose to discontinue everything and she knew it was gonna be difficult on you to see her going into hospice care, but what she most looked at when making her choices, Rick, was that all she wanted to have with all the time she would have left... She just wants to be with you.” 

Lesley wanted to call out for Rick but she also wanted to try as best as she could to hold onto her independence before she would have to become a complete dependent... Holding onto the side table to get into the chair in spite of the nausea and the faint feeling she had of feeling lightheaded, Lesley tried to make it by herself to use the bathroom but took a fall just beside her chair that was loud  enough for Rick and Jessie to come in when she slightly cut her arm.

“ Lesley I'm right here it's ok..... Easy.... Take my hand and lean on me....”  Rick said as he was helping her back onto the bed “ I thought you were gonna call me if you needed to go sweetheart..”  Rick added gently

"I.... I'm s-s.... I'm sorry.... I thought I could do it I thought if i could just hold on to the side or the wall I'd be ok.....”  Lesley started to cry at the realization that she was starting to lose some of her independence with alot of things

" Lesley don't be sorry for anything, what's important is you're not going through this alone Jessie and I are right here every step of the way right by your side. Everything sweetheart is okay.”  Rick said gently as he set her back onto the bed and took care of the cut on her arm while the nurse was taking her blood pressure.

" Jessie and the nurse are gonna have a bath set up for you to help you relax… everything's gonna be okay.”  Rick nodded towards Jessie and the hospice nurse as he kept Lesley close.

Jessie ran the water in the tub on low heat while Rick and the other nurse helped her to ease out of her clothes. “ Easy sweetheart... It's okay.”  he softly whispered

" I don't wa-want... I don't want to do this.... I wish it was o..ov-over I wish it would go aw-away.”  Lesley leaned into Rick's arms in spite of the pain