One Kiss

Chapter 4

West hurried down the hallway heading for the library, he hoped Zay was there today and he wasn't hiding somewhere. He'd been trying to corner him all morning so they could talk about what happened at the party but Zay was doing a damn fine job of avoiding him. He stepped into the library, waved to the librarian, and headed for the back corner where Zay usually sat. He breathed a sigh of relief when he spotted him.

"Zay? Hey, can we talk?"

"Go away, I have nothing to say to you," he answered without looking up.

West pulled out a chair and sat down. "Look, I'm sorry okay. I shouldn't have pushed you like that. Please don't shut me out, all right?"

Zayden slammed his laptop shut, picked it up, and shoved it into his backpack. "No, you had no right to do what you did. You have no right to shove yourself into my life and you have no clue what you've done. Just leave me alone." He stood, swung his backpack onto his shoulder, and stomped away.

West sighed. "That went well." So much for apologizing. Maybe Alyssa was right and he needed to give Zay a little time. If he did fear how his parents would react to his being gay it could take him a bit to decide what to do. Until Zay made up his mind there was little he could do. There wasn't much he could do to convince Zay that coming out was the best choice for him, he needed to make that decision on his own. He stood and left the library.

"Hey, West, wait up!"

He turned and smiled. "Hey, Marlow, what's up?"

Marlow stopped a huge smile on his face. "So, uh ... I was wondering if you wanted to go to a movie this weekend?"

West hesitated, his mind on Zayden before he finally smiled. "Yes, I would love to." Zayden wasn't likely to come around and admit to the fact he was gay, he couldn't wait around forever for him to make up his mind. He'd been waiting too long already. Maybe this was a sign that it was time to move on.

"Great, cool, awesome. Okay, I'll text you the details. See you Friday."

"Looking forward to it!" he told Marlow.

"Me too. Right, okay, I have to get to class!" He left with a wave.

West chuckled. Marlow had seemed exceptionally nervous about asking him out. He grinned when the words he'd spoken to Alyssa floated through his brain about his dominating personality and he looked in the direction Marlow has scurried off in. Maybe he was a little too dominating, to the point people feared him? He couldn't see that, it wasn't as if he went into a rage or tried to strong-arm people. He simply liked to be in charge. Though he could see how some might find that intimidating, they didn't want to get bulldozed by a stronger opinion. He sighed, he didn't like to think he did that to anyone, but maybe he had without realizing it. After all, he'd done exactly that to Zay when he'd cornered him at the party. He'd rolled right over him in an attempt to force him to admit he was gay.

"I'm an idiot," he muttered as he headed for his next class.

Despite the fact a good portion of his mind was occupied with thoughts of Zayden Walker, he found he was looking forward to his date with Marlow on Friday. It would be nice to be with someone who wasn't afraid to show who they were. It wasn't as if he hadn't dated, he had, but he hadn't found that one guy he could see himself with long-term. Not with Zay occupying his thoughts. The guy had been inside his head for far too long and if he wasn't going to admit to who he was then maybe it was time to move on. Time to forget a crush he'd been harboring for so many years and maybe Marlow could help him do that.

After school, he approached Alyssa before he had to go to baseball practice. "Hey, can I talk to you for a second?"

"Of course, what's up?"

He sighed. "Zay needs space, though if he's been denying who he is for this long, I doubt any amount of space is going to change that. It's time I realized that. It's time I moved on."

"West, you don't need to give up on him. He needs support, not abandonment."

He shrugged. "I've been waiting too long, Lyssa, I want to get on with my life. I want to find someone I can spend more than a couple of weeks with. I thought maybe Zay was that guy, but now, I can't see him coming out, not anytime soon anyway. I'm going to a movie with Marlow Sampson this weekend."

The smile left her face. "So, you're just going to give up on him?"

"I'm not the one who gave up first," he told her with a shake of his head. "He is." Without saying anything else, he turned and headed out onto the field.

Alyssa took a seat in the bleachers, she normally stayed and watched practice and Josh took her home afterward so she didn't have to ride the bus. She'd sit here, watch and do her homework. Today, she didn't feel like tackling homework, not when she knew her best friend was possibly missing out on something great because he was stubborn.

"And afraid," she grumbled as she watched the players on the field.

"Mind if I join you?"

She smiled up at Zay. "Yes, I do."

He hesitated. "Lyssie ..."

She patted the seat beside her. "Sit, moron."

He took a seat, his eyes on Josh on the field, studiously avoiding looking at Weston. "I saw you talking to West, plotting against me are you?"

"No."

He looked at her. "You gonna tell me?"

"You lost, Zay."

"Lost? Lost what exactly and what was I even playing?" he asked with a scowl.

"I don't know how long you've been harboring a crush on West, but I've noticed for a while, the guy likes you and he has for a lot longer than you probably realized and you threw that away because you're afraid. Well, you should be happy now, he's given up on you. He's going to a movie with Marlow Sampson this weekend." She looked away, focusing on the players.

"Lyssie, I ..." he stopped.

"Don't, Zayden. There's nothing you can say. Not now. I'm your best friend and I'll support you no matter what you decide but you need to think about what makes you happy, not what's going to make your parents happy. It isn't their life you're living, it's yours. If they can't accept you, well that's on them, not you and you have people who will support you through everything. If you can't accept our support because you fear losing theirs then I have nothing else to say about it."

He remained silent for a long while and she saw his eyes tracking Weston as he pitched. "I'm sorry I can't be what everyone wants." He stood and left before she could respond.

She sighed. She didn't want him to be anything but himself, she wished he'd realize that. She felt as if she was losing her best friend, a little bit at a time as he tried harder and harder to be what his parents expected instead of being himself. That life was going to break him eventually because he'd begin to hate what he'd become. Hate what they forced on him. She wasn't certain she could stick around to witness that. She couldn't abandon him either. It was one hell of a dilemma. One she didn't think had a solution. She propped her elbows on her knees, set her chin in her palms, and watched the players practice, her mind far from the field as she imagined what things might be like if Zayden came out of the closet.

Some of her scenarios ended well, most did not. His parents were the problem and she knew that. How was he going to take it if West and Marlow became a couple? She sighed. He'd act as if it didn't matter because that was what he'd been doing for so long. Acting.