Lavender | Wakatoshi Ushijima

10 | Out

I don't want to be anywhere but my bed right now. I can't bear it. Surgery, scars, and infections are all I think about.

My enthusiasm in classes seems to just fade.

Even though my breathing is steady, it still hitches sometimes. The panic attacks I have leave a mark in my memory sometimes. The way my hands were out of control, the way I couldn't prevent it. The way I could barely form full sentences in my brain because it was zapped to an extent it was basically fried.

My mind goes through déjà vu for every action now and then. When I stand up from my seat after history class, my legs are weak like they were when I sort of collapsed on the sink. When I take down notes during literature, my hands shake for a moment like they did when I turned on the water.

I can't be all mushy and vulnerable like this in school. Get a grip, Hana.

~

Soon enough, it's the end of the school day.

As said, me and Wakatoshi are walking home together.

"How was your day?" I begin.

"It was decent. The highlight was practice, as usual. What about you?" He looks over with a playful curiosity.

"It was great, a tad tiring."

"Are you doing okay?" He asks bluntly.

"Yes, I'm fine." Tears are creeping up.

"I don't think you are."

I stay silent. What do I say to that?

"Just a bit stressed, that's all."

"We can always talk, if that relieves you." Concern is written all over his face.

I feel his gaze everywhere and I look straight at its source. I look into his eyes momentarily, not trying to hide the fact that I'm exhausted. For the first time, I don't feel like I need to.

"It's okay. Thank you for asking." A charmed smile blends into my features as I look down at my sneakers.

"How was practice?"

"Practice was great."

"I think the team has great composure and team work. You guys work in sync, it's bizarre."

"I think so too. It can be frustrating with the first-years and their commotion but it gives life to the team." He laughs calmly.

"How's the play going? I heard today was the first assembly."

"It was fine. I have to admit I'm not the most excited, though. They've assigned me as the male lead."

I still have no idea what this play is, all I know is that it's old literature.

"Really? That's great! The more work you do, the merrier. It'll get you more credit."

"I guess so, they just need a good looking face for a lead."

"They sure got one." Dear lord.

He on the other hand, laughs. Cackles, I would say.

"Sorry..I-" I don't know what to say.

He says through his laughs,

"It's fine. They did get one, but not one with talent."

"I'm certain you'll be fine." I say, trying to redeem myself of my humiliation.

"I know I will be, I have you by my side. Your help, I mean." He corrects himself.

He doesn't notice at all that a little red color spread across my face.

We near my home.

"I-I forgot to let you know. If you have any questions you forgot to ask or they're urgent, send me a text." I say.

"Okay, I will. Goodbye."

I walk in.

Mother is home.

"I'm home."

I carefully place my shoes in an organized manner alongside my schoolbag.

That's when I enter the kitchen to find Mother plating dinner.

"I'm working late tomorrow night. This is tonight and tomorrow's dinner."

"Okay."

Without a peep, I take a plate and fill it. I grab utensils, taking out some for her. I put them on the counter next to her plate.

Sitting at the dinner table, I eat with as much composure as my hunger allows me to.

She takes a seat asking,

"Did you take your pills?"

"Yes, I did."

"Your grades?"

"Full."

No response.

Going back and forth with this little conversation yet we still don't make any eye contact.

"Thank you for the meal. If you'll excuse me." I finish my plate. I take it and place it in the sink, leaving for my room.

I get ready for the little outing with the team. I put on a nice outfit, suitable for the weather. Nothing particularly striking, a more pacific appearance. I slip on a few of my rings with a spritz or two of perfume. I'm ready.

I end up taking a taxi to the supposed place, sent to me by Kiyo.

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Author: Thank you to everyone who's voted and read! I truly appreciate it! <33

Also, ~ means flashback or timeskip!!