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it's never not over.
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I think this was the first time... I'd ever regret confrontation. I sit up in my bed, rubbing my forehead two days before Christmas. Yes, it had been... I don't know, I lost track of time. When was the last time we met? Ugh. Five days, I think, and I'm glad to say I regret ever telling Sunoo off like that. Surely, there was that first day of destressing, but after being around my siblings... I had started to miss Sunoo. Like, deathly miss. He was a door away, but it had felt like he moved away.
At one point, I thought he did.
Jiyoon knocks on my door. She does a quiet little sigh before she knocks, and when she does, she invites herself in. However, today, she must be waiting for permission. "Come in," I say, standing up and walking over to my desk. There, the apology notes sit, crumbled in scribbled ink as I try to figure out what exactly to say to him. Five days felt like five months. If I keep going on like this if I keep remembering what he said to me that day... what would happen in school?
"Are you okay, Areum?"
"Let's give each other space. I'll give you time, you give me time. If we can't compromise... then, maybe we weren't set to work out."
Ouch. That hurt more than the sad endings in books. It was a neverending feeling of guilt and pain when it's probably hurting him more. I finally knew what it meant to say something insensitive and to regret it. I finally knew that it had been my fault.
Well, it's shared. However, maybe I said it wrong. Maybe I destroyed built-up trust all because I simply didn't want to hang out. I couldn't tell anymore, not when feelings were jumbled up and that there were so many flaws in this conflict.
"I guess you aren't," She lies her back against the edge of my desk, picking up one of the notes. She reads a piece of it, scrunching her nose at what's unscribbled to decipher it, and soon softens her gaze at me. She must be pitying me. "You know, maybe you should've thought about it before you told him."
"I know. I shouldn't have told him that I wanted to get a break so angrily," She raises an eyebrow at me, and I cave in with my knees to my chest on this small dang chair. "He just wanted to hang out with me and spend time together! Now, we're separated!"
